


been waiting on you all my night

by aiienharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, Oblivious, Strangers to Lovers, they go to the pub a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 02:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16461947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aiienharry/pseuds/aiienharry
Summary: So Louis decides that he doesn’t want to give that up, even if Harry is with someone else, he’ll take whatever Harry will give him. And if that makes him an idiot then so be it. Love does crazy things to you.Au where Louis waits.





	been waiting on you all my night

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for a long time now, but I'm happy to say that I am finished. This actually got me out of my stump that I've had for a while, and it wasn't even supposed to have angst but.... I'm a sucker for it. [link to the edit I made!](http://aiienharry.tumblr.com/post/179589306021/been-waiting-on-you-all-my-night-by-aiienharry-so)
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Title based on Nights by Frank Ocean
> 
> Enjoy...

When Louis first sees him, it’s like there are alarm bells going off all around him. Like he’s the only person in this place, on this country, on this earth that really matters. When he looks back at this time, somewhere in the future (hopefully with this bloke’s hand in his hand as they twirl under the sunset in their shared home), he thinks that maybe the stars aligned so that they could be together.

 

Or maybe Louis is just being dramatic like he’s always been told every time something leaves his mouth.

 

He’s having drink’s with some of his close mates in a pub that they frequent. It’s loud, it’s packed, and it feels more like home than he’d like to admit.

 

He has to work to keep Zayn on his feet, a light-weight this one. Liam and Zayn have been on and off again, this time it was a huge fight that left Louis sleeping on someone's couch for two days (it was a pink couch and he might have fallen in love with it and tried to negotiate a way he could buy it off them).

 

Now Zayn has called a gathering to try and get over his heartbreak, which when he told Louis about it he immediately gave him a hard time but ultimately started helping.

 

It’s after two bottles of Guinness, two shots, and an order of American chili cheese fries Louis sees him.

 

He’s standing with some people, hair tumbling down towards his shoulders, just barely grazing them. Pink silky blouse tucked into the skinniest jeans Louis has ever seen. It seems like the world has stopped moving like in all of this rom-com Zayn makes him watch when he’s feeling partially sad and mopey. He watches him from across the room, watches him laugh and sing and interact with those around him. Knows he’s been told something distasteful from the way his nose scrunches up and eyebrows shoot down.

 

This bloke is memorizing, is the first thing that pops into Louis mind. Zayn right next to him blabbing on and on about Liam and how much he misses him. Louis rolls his eyes and whispers in his ear, “If ya miss him so much then call him you sap!”

 

Zayn pushes him away and gives him the finger, stumbling towards the bathroom and waving Louis off when he goes to help him.

 

Louis turns his attention back to this bloke, finding him shrugging on his jacket with a cigarette in his hand, waving to his mates and heading out the door. He doesn’t think as he does the same, putting on his jacket in a haste and grabbing a random cigarette from Charlie’s purse, making his way outside into the freezing cold air. It’s almost the end of winter, and there hasn’t been a spot of snow that’s stayed on the ground for more than a day or two, making it the most miserable winter in years. It’s always grey out, the wind is too unbearable, slicing through the air like a sharp knife. It doesn’t lift his mood like winter always does.

 

He finds this mysterious stranger leaning against the building trying to light his cigarette. Louis walks over smoothly, trying to shake the nerves from his fingers. He hasn’t don’t this, whatever this is, in so fucking long. He’s had a few one nights stands here and there. He dated someone a year ago, but that ended so quickly it almost gave him whiplash.

 

There are others around smoking as well, so he doesn’t look weird when he stands right next to him, trying not to appear as awkward as he feels and probably looks.

 

“Fucking stupid,” The bloke whispers, trying to make his lighter work, shaking the bubblegum pink cylinder in his pretty ring clad fingers.

 

Louis brings his own out, lighting his and offering the lighter to the frustrated stranger.

 

“Shit. Cheers, mate.” He mutters, voice low and raspy, and it strikes something deep inside Louis.

 

They don’t say anything else, Louis just takes short drags and hopes that he doesn’t freeze to death out here. The cigarette not warming him up like he hoped it would. He knows he looks like an idiot standing out here, he wasn’t even in the mood to be smoking right now. If he truly had it his way he’d be home under a mound of blankets cuddling with Clifford right now watching random flicks that come on the telly. He does try and sneak glances at the man a few times, getting caught after the fourth. Immediately he starts to berate himself for being so damn obvious.

 

He watches as a smirk itches its way onto his face. “Uhh, is there something on my face.” He motions with his cigarette, before taking a drag that has Louis swoon, shaking in his dumb beat up Adidas because of the way he blows it out of his pink pursed lips. He’s fucking gorgeous.

 

Louis quickly shakes his head, “Nah, it’s just you’re proper fit is all.” Saying it out loud makes Louis wince with how fucking creepy he sounds. He tries and takes a step back, reeling himself in so he doesn’t make a fool of himself.

 

The bloke blushes, wiping at his nose. “Thanks, you’re fit as well.”

 

“What’s your name?” He blurts out. “Oh, uh if you don’t mind me asking.” Yes, Louis is a complete and utter fool and he can’t wait to tell Zayn about this. Hopefully, it’ll cheer him up, because there is only so much whining Louis can take before he explodes.

 

He coughs in his hand, stubbing out the butt before turning towards Louis. “M’names Harry.”

 

Louis stubs his out as well, “I’m Louis, it’s very nice to meet you.”

 

Harry laughs and coughs again, clearing his throat. “Are…did you follow me out here?” He points to the pub doors, and then to Louis.

 

He can feel his cheeks heating up but thank god it’s cold as Satan's ball’s out here so Harry won’t notice too much. He shrugs, trying to act coy but failing. “Dunno, I was already heading out. Saw you hanging with your friends, though you looked fit as hell. Then by a stroke of luck, I come out and I see you having a difficult time with your lighter.” He’s fucking blowing it again, he thinks. But by the way, Harry is blushing and laughing, he hopes that he hasn’t completely turned him off.

 

Harry snorts, “You shouldn’t start this relationship off with a lie.”

 

“A relationship huh?” Louis’ eyebrows shoot up, not expecting such a forward answer, but he’ll take whatever this Harry fellow gives him.

 

Harry smiles shyly, peering down at the ground. Louis tries to prompt him again, but he ignores his question. “So,” he starts, playing with a strand of his hair that shouldn’t be as endearing as it is. Fuck, why is it so endearing? “You here with some mates?”

 

Louis nods, “Yeah, trying to help with my friend get over whatever he’s going through, even though I’d rather stay in bed tonight. But on the plus, it gave me a chance to talk to one of the fittest boys around town. What about you?”

 

Harry blushes again, and Louis concludes that he would spend his whole life making Harry blush if he could. The way his cheeks turn into a wonderful shade of pink, and when he smiles and rolls his eyes, but Louis knows he’s loving it.

 

“I’m here with my mate Niall, and our colleagues from work.” He mumbled, chewing on his knuckle.

 

“Oh, where do you work?”

 

Just then, a gust of wind almost blows them down making Harry stumble forward into Louis. He quickly thrust his hands out, bracing Harry with hands on his hips.

 

It takes a second for the wind to calm down, but when it does they pull back quickly.

 

“Uh…I-I work at this publishing house. I’m just a paid intern though, make my rounds through the building bring my boss coffee and trying to help him when he lets me. What about you?” He asks.

 

“I work with my mate Zayn at this…journalism type job. I’m not really into it, proofreading articles and checking the facts and all that. But it’s nice.”

 

Harry nods and smiles, “Can I just asked what were your intentions with me?”

 

“Well, I was really hoping to take you home, show you a good time, maybe wake up and get breakfast.” Louis attempts at being suave and confident fail again as Harry laughs with a shout.

 

“Oh yeah? I think you’re getting a little big for your breeches.”

 

Louis snorts, “And what makes you think that?”

 

Harry smirks at him, licking his lips. “From the simple fact that you wouldn’t be able to handle me.”

 

A fire is lit between them, and Louis teases it for a while, playing with it until it dies down with each honk that comes out of Harry’s mouth when he laughs.

 

Their conversation carries on for only a few more minutes before the freezing temperatures and a huge gust of wind become too much and they shuffle back inside with red noses and numb fingers. Harry brings out a pen from his pocket, scribbles his number on the palm of Louis’ hand. Louis does the same for good measure and to make Harry pink-faced and smiley.

 

He heads back to Zayn and listens as he drowns on and on again about the same shit. Louis texts Harry a few times in between listening, and watches as he leaves the pub at a quarter to midnight.

 

-

 

Louis hates his job.

 

He has to run around his office floor, trying to help some big shot make sure he uses the right use of ‘their they’re there’. Every day he works up a sweat, and it doesn’t help of how much of an arsehole some of these people seem to be. He’s been working with them for a year and a half now has seen them get drunk on a few shots of whiskey and make fools of themselves in front of their boss. So why they act like dickheads all the time, Louis will never know.

 

Zayn laughs at him when he complains about how awful it is around a mouth full of chicken sandwich during their lunch break. They eat in the employee lounge, which was just a small conference room that nobody used, with three tables, two always empty vending machines, and a fridge that barely worked to keep your food from going bad.

 

“Look,” Zayn says, plopping a chip in his mouth. “If you hate it so much then quit.”

 

Louis glares at him, swallowing the contents in his mouth. “You know it’s not that easy, dickhead.”

 

Zayn chucks a napkin at him, missing. “All I’m saying is, is that this job isn’t permeant, Lou. Go out, explore your options, do something instead of complaining all the fucking time. S’annoying is what it is.”

 

He scoffs, did Zayn forget just last month when he was complaining and being a sad sport over him and Liam taking a break for the third time? When he dragged him out to go get drunk and start talking about how much he missed Liam the whole time. “I’m just going to ignore the last bit, but you know it took us so many fucking months just to make it to where we are now. I can’t just give that up.”

 

As much as Louis hates his job (and he really hates his job), he wouldn’t know what else to do that wouldn’t constitute smelling like coffee or beer all day and night.

 

So Louis continues to groan and moan about his job until it’s time for him to head home. He trudges through his flat with a splitting headache, walking into his room and shedding the uncomfortable stark white button down that he’s forced to wear with some ugly black trousers.

 

Taking the rest of his kit off, he dives into bed and ignores Zayn’s calls to come eat.

 

When he wakes up the next morning he almost jumps for joy when he remembers that he doesn’t go in for work today. Sitting up and groaning into his hands, peering around his messy rooms. Random things here and there little bits and bobs that he’s collected or taken from home back in Donny making a clear path from the door to his bed. He likes to think of it as controlled chaos, and it’s what he tells Zayn whenever he enters and tells him off for how unclean everything is.

 

Louis enters the kitchen a few minutes later, eating some leftover pizza from last night and putting the kettle on the stove. He’s just about done with his second cuppa when Zayn stumbles through the door with Liam. He grimaces as he watches them make out and topple onto the couch.

 

So like the best mate he is, instead of leaving them to it and plugging in his earphones so he doesn’t have to listen as their couch gets defiled (along with Zayn), Louis starts to whistle a tune that’s been stuck in his head for a week now (fuck you, Liam).

 

And like the dumbasses they are, they actually have the nerve to try to kick him out. Zayn pouts, “Please, Lou. I’ll do the dishes for ahh…two weeks!”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and pours himself some more tea, scrolling through his phone. “It’s my day off, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

So he ends up getting shoved out the door with barely his dignity intact. They gave him five minutes to put on some clothes before shoving a fifty in his hand and telling him to go do something for at least an hour (He tries not to dwell on the fact that it takes them an hour to do…whatever they are doing to get off).

 

Louis barges right back in for his phone and coat and comes face first with Zayn’s arse. He yells, curses them out, grabs his things, and runs out the door before he has any chance of seeing anyone's arse again. He huffs and puffs all the way to some random coffee shop down the block from his flat. It’s drizzling outside and it seems that everyone but him has an umbrella to keep the rain off them. He’s wet and cold, shivering under the freezing winds, and a little bit pissed off that he has to spend an hour on his day off outside in dumb English weather. Popping inside, he shakes off his coat and sits down the farthest away from everyone else.

 

It’s a cozy shop, very rustic and hipster-ish. Nobody bothers him for some time as he plays random games on his phone, starting with Candy Crush and ending with Angry Birds when some random person sits down across from him. Louis doesn’t even bring his head up to see who it is, opting to finish smashing down the pig's houses so he can move on to the next level.

 

It comes as no surprise that by the time an hour past he finally looks up, getting ready to leave and crash in his bed with Clifford by his side, that it’s Harry that’s sitting in front of him.

 

The same Harry from the pub that he met a month or two ago. The same Harry he went outside in freezing December weather to chat up and get his number, only to not even use it.

 

He looks the same. Same long hair, same pouty lips, and square jaw. He’s got a little bit of hair growing on his upper lip that has Louis a bit amused with how sparse it looks.

 

He’s reading a book, tongue poking out at the corner of his mouth as he tries and concentrates on what he’s reading. He reaches for his coffee and takes a sip without even breaking eye contact.

 

Louis tries to get his attention by clearing his throat, but Harry is so enthralled with this book that he doesn’t even flinch when Louis does it. Or he’s just being a bit of a dick because he grins slightly, liking the pads of his index finger and turning to the next page.

 

“Uhh, Harry…Harry Styles?” Louis whispers, name feeling foreign on his tongue.

 

Harry looks around, looks back at Louis, smirks, and then starts reading again rubbing the page between his slender rind clad fingers.

 

“So…is that book good or not?” Louis tries, hoping that Harry will stop whatever he’s doing and just talk to him.

 

Harry snorts and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah,” he trails off for a second, placing his book down, dog-earing the page. “What are you doing on your phone?”

 

“Playing angry birds.” He replies.

 

Their conversation is awkward and still, a stark difference from the talking happening in the background, hush voices and tiny burst of laughter. Back when they exchanged numbers last month, they wouldn’t stop texting for…at least a week straight, but after that, they both just stopped for whatever reason. So seeing Harry after their hiatus from texting makes him feel weird and awkward and he hates feeling weird and awkward and like he’s doing something wrong.

 

So naturally, he makes it worst.

 

“Uhh…are you like, mad at me?” He mumbles, even though he knows Harry isn’t mad at him, but at the same time, he knows people (Liam) who get mad when they see that you saw their texts but haven’t replied.

 

Harry snorts again before yawning. It takes him a while, but after a few sips of his coffee, he says, “‘M not mad at you. S’just weird cause we like…stopped talking after a while.”

 

Louis nods, throwing his phone down on the table. “Yeah, I feel the same. It’s just a bit awkward is all but were Louis and Harry. I don’t know what that means, but it’s fun having you in my life. Although, you did send me some weird shit.”

 

Harry rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, laughing at all of the things Louis says out of his mouth. Every word that trickles out he hangs on to it like it truly matters. Louis thought he got over whatever he was feeling for Harry, but looking at him frown and laugh and blushy makes his heart beat faster and his palms start to get sweaty. The way his stomach tightens whenever Harry says anything or does anything. He feels like a teenage boy all over again getting weak in the knees over an unrequited love and he hates how much he loves it.

 

They’re talking about music, and everything is going okay until Harry starts listing some hipster shit after impressing Louis with his taste in Fleetwood Mac and Queens. Naturally, Louis starts to tease him (and he just wants to see him look flustered but nobody has to know that).

 

“Oh god no. The hipsters 'ave gotten to you huh? I should have known with you wearing Chelsea boots and all that.” He snickers after he says it, watching as Harry’s face heats up.

 

“Oh sod off.” He says, flipping him the bird. “My music taste is a bajillion time better than yours. And you’re just jealous because I rock Chelsea boots better than anyone, even you.”

 

Louis nods, rubbing his stubble. “Oh really? Well, I think you look stunning in Chelsea’s boots-”

 

“Chelsea boots.”

 

“—Yeah Yeah, same thing. Do you even own a pair of vans or like…trainers?”

 

Harry flips him off and Louis laughs until a cluster of people in the far corner clad in scarves and flannel jackets tell him to be quiet or leave. They stay at the coffee shop for a few more hours and when their conversation goes stagnant they parting ways with the promise of staying in touch. When he makes it home, a smile on his face, and ears ready to fall off from the brittle cold, he walks in on Zayn and Liam cuddling on the couch.

 

He rushes past and hopes by the graces of God that they didn’t do anything on his couch, a couch that he bought from a vintage shop after badgering the salesman to lower the price. It’s his favorite thing in this whole flat, and if Zayn and Liam defiled it he will not hesitate to throw them out for good.

 

“So where have you been? We said an hour…” Zayn trails off.

 

“Everywhere and nowhere at the same time.” He decided to say last minute, but it’s given away when he looks down at his phone and instantly smiles when he sees Harry sent him a text.

 

“Aww, Louis’ in love!” Liam yells.

 

Louis immediately glares at him and rolls his eyes, “I’m not in love. I’m just talking to a friend is all, he sent me a funny text.” It actually wasn’t funny at all, it was a photoshopped picture of vans hanging over a stock photo of fire.

 

Liam shook his head and cuddled closer to Zayn, “That’s not the face you make when a friend sends a text. That’s the face you make when you’re in love. Zayn, can you believe our child has finally found someone?”

 

“First of all I’m older than you, and second of all this is my flat and I will kick you out!” He exclaims, pocketing his phone before pointing at Zayn who is suspiciously quiet. “And you, I already let you defile my favorite thing in this flat, and I won’t hesitate to kick you out as well.”

 

Zayn snickers, “He’s my guest and I pay rent on time. Don’t try to turn the subject around.” He takes a drag from his spliff and blows it out before saying, “So who is this boy you’re in love with?”

 

“I’m not in love with him,” He groaned. “And that’s the end of this conversation about my love life. And please for the love of god tell me that that…isn’t a used condom next to the fucking bin!”

 

-

 

It’s a Friday night and he’s once again going out with his inconsiderate friends who are dragging him out to a pub.

 

Being forced to invite Harry by Zayn and Liam because they, “Really want to meet your quirky new friend that’s got you giving your phone love eyes.” As Liam put it. So now he’s squeezed in a booth between Charlie and Micheal, his two workmates, and Harry and his friends are nowhere to be seen yet. Thankful before Zayn and Liam decide to get any more embarrassing, Harry arrives with two people in tow. Louis immediately shuffles around Charlie and greets Harry with a hug.

 

“Hello, love. Thank god you showed up, these squares were talking about work on a night out like the boring fuckers they are.” Louis said, making sure they all heard and laughing when they started to complain and shove at him.

 

Harry chuckles, “Well, hello hello! M’happy that I can liven up the party. These are my best mates. Blonde one’s Niall he’s Irish so if he asks you to do a drinking contest with him don’t do it.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes and sits down in a chair next to Charlie. “Oh fuck off, H. One time we got so drunk that we passed out in a field and woke up with thorns in our arse’s and he never lets me live it down.”

 

Harry slaps the back of his head lightly, “Yeah I hold it against you, we went to the hospital because of it. Anyways,” He points to the tall lanky bloke standing right next to him, glasses perched on his pointy nose, skinny scarf wrapped around his long neck, and a thin smile sits on his pale face. “This is Nick.”

 

Nick playful shoves him, loosening Louis’ hold on his waist. “Hey, I’m not just Nick. I’m an absolutely amazing person with star power and quality.”

 

Harry laughs and rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah, you’re the amazing Nicholas.”

 

“Just Nick!”

 

They all grab a seat, Louis sitting next to Zayn with Harry to his right and Nick right next to him. It’s a bit of a squeeze but they make it work. Niall orders them a round of beer and they go back and forth between conversations until Nick and Niall start bickering, Charlie and Micheal talk about work, and Liam and Zayn are so wrapped up in each other that Louis can hear them kissing, making fake gagging noises to make Harry laugh.

 

“So what have you been up to, Harold?” Louis murmurs, after taking a sip from his beer.

 

Harry shakes his head and smiles, “Harold? My name is not Harold.”

 

Louis looks at him perplexed, “So you’re telling me you’re name isn’t Harold Styles…it’s simply Harry whatever-your-middle-name-is Styles?”

 

Harry waves him off, face red from laughing so much. It makes Louis feel things he knows he shouldn’t but can’t help anyways. He tries to suppress it, bury deep down until it’s a soft thud that pulses against his heart every time Harry so much as bats his eyelashes at him and with each brush of his delicate fingers on Louis’ wrist. But the way he teases Harry and he teases right back, always keeping up with Louis’ jokes and quick little remarks. It makes the feeling he tries to suppress so strong that he has a permanent smile on his face and the soft thud is not so soft anymore, thumping so hard with each laugh and smile that it beats against his rib cage. Hands sweaty, heart is pounding, face red from the number of times Harry has made him blush from his weird comments.

 

It’s weird and nice at the same time. He hasn’t experienced anything like this in a long time, and he thinks that he likes it, a lot more than he should.

 

“We seem to be low on beer,” Harry says looking around at the table. It’s true, everyone’s mug is empty.

 

Louis nods, “So what do you suppose we do about it?”

 

Harry shrugs and announces to the table, “Louis and I are going to get some more beers.” They pay them no mind as Harry grabs Louis’ hand and pulls him up, not letting go until they reach the bar, and even then Louis is reluctant to let go of Harry's bony ring-clad fingers.

 

He smiles at them, grabbing Harry’s wrist and holding it up. “What do the rings mean?”

 

Harry pales than blushes, shrugging his shoulders and looking at anywhere but Louis. “Dunno, just…think they’re cool s’all.” He murmurs.

 

Louis nods, clearing his throat and calling over the bartender, ordering another round for the table. Harry looks at him with a grin. Louis scrunches his nose, “What, something on my face? If there is as my good friend you are obligated to tell me.”

 

“S’nothing on your face, you’re just…umm. Nothing.” Harry shakes his head and clears his throat before looking back up at him. “Think I want something else other than beer. Might get a Sangria or summat. Tired of drinking Guinness.”

 

Louis nods not knowing what to say, he takes the tray of beers back as Harry orders his drink, sipping on his drink and waiting for Harry to come back. He peers over at Zayn when he taps his should gently.

 

“Are you happy you went out now? You even got to see Harry.” His voice is soft and slow. Louis can tell he’s already tipsy because of him and Liam pregaming before coming.

 

“I didn’t want to come because and play designated driver for your drunk arse’s. So yeah, I only came for Harry.” He shoved at Zayn and yelped when he got pinched back, not even noticing that Harry had been sitting there sipping on his Sangria the whole time.

 

Cheeks pink and eyes wide Harry gives him a funny look. “You only came out because of me?”

 

Louis hesitates for a second not knowing what to say. “I mean…um, yeah? It would have been boring without you.”

 

He watches as Harry tries to surprise a smile, his nose scrunches up and his lips squeeze together. It’s so endearing he has to stop himself from smiling back. Harry takes a second before saying, “That’s um…sweet of you. But trust me, once you get to know me a little while longer I’m not as fun as you think.”

 

Louis waves him off, “Nonsense, as you can see you’re more fun than all of these squares. What happened to the saying blondes are supposed to have the most fun?” Niall flips him off and tells him to shove it, and it makes Harry laugh so much that Sangria shoots out of his nose. Louis rubs his back as he wipes off his nose, “Christ are you okay?”

 

Harry continues to laugh, loud and obnoxious and it makes Louis breathe just a little easier. By now they both have the attention of the whole table which makes him feel a bit antsy.

 

Louis points at Harry’s hunched figure, shoulders shaking and eyes watering with laughter. “Harry shot Sangria out of his nose! He deserves an award or something for it, although it was a bit gross, still the coolest thing I have ever seen him do.”

 

“Wait to you see him drunk and doing karaoke than you’ll wish you never met him!” Nick laughed making Harry shoot daggers at him.

 

“Don’t…don’t listen to him, Lou. My karaoke skills are suburb and Nicks just jealous that I do a better Rhianna than him.” Harry sticks out his tongue at Nick and directs his attention back on Louis. His nose is redder than his face and he’s sweating, but almost choking on Sangria and having it shoot of his nose doesn’t seem to dampen his mood.

 

By the end of the night as they all call up Uber’s and Lyft's, and since Louis isn’t drunk like Liam and Zayn who are twirling next to the car while making out, he has to drive them home and make sure they don’t choke on their own bile tonight. Harry stands next to him as him and Niall wait for their ride to come, Nick left with some bloke a while ago and Louis’ workmates are piling into their own cars.

 

Harry reaches out and hugs him when their ride arrives. “S’nice hanging with you tonight, Lou.” His words are slightly slurred, and he’s swaying a little on his feet so Louis steady’s him with a hand on the small of his back. Harry smiles, “Wanna…wanna see you again, but just us. Okay?”

 

All the wind is knocked out of him after those words tumble out of Harry’s mouth. He nods and tries not to give himself away. “Yeah, I’ll uhh text you tomorrow when you’re sober, love.”

 

Niall yells at him to come on, the wind howls puffing out little gust of wind that almost blows them down. Louis turns to leave, wrapping his thick jacket tighter around his body, trying to shield his eyes as a flurry of snow whips around them. He’s almost to the car when something turns him around, and he’s face-to-face with a smiling Harry who plants a big wet sloppy kiss on his cheek, waving goodbye and speeding off down the street.

 

Louis doesn’t move, standing in the middle of the sidewalk and heart pounding harder and harder against his ribs. He tries his hardest to suppress a smile, thinks about how him trying to smother whatever he’s feeling right now like a campfire that won’t go down no matter how much you try. It won’t work. This will either end in heartbreak, a forest fire that destroys homes and everything in its path or something better that Louis can’t fully comprehend yet.

 

-

 

Louis doesn’t end up texting Harry the next day or even a few days after that, and a week turns into two. He doesn’t even know why, but he knows that it had to do with the kiss on the cheek. It’s a stupid reason, and he really should have called or maybe texted Harry longer replies than just a haha or that’s weird.

 

So instead of dealing with his feelings for Harry that can’t seem to stop growing every time he sends him a text about a cute video he watched and cried about or a movie he really wants to rent, Louis focuses all of his time and energy into working.

 

Naturally, Zayn notices and calls him out on it.

 

“Since when do you start working late? As soon as it’s time to leave you practically jump out the fucking window.” He asks as soon as Louis walks through the door, startling him.

 

He clenches his fist and rolls his eyes, “Since I have a shit ton of work to do. Did you know that Cordon or Cameron or what-ever-the-fuck-his-name-is, fucking forgot to cite a huge source in his article? I literally had to hound him to get on it or it won’t be published in time.” Louis sets his things down on the counter and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Zayn watches him the whole time frowning

 

“Mate, out of the years that I have known you. And for as long as I have worked with you, I have never ever seen you care so much. So what the fuck is the problem?” Zayn sits up and follows him into his room much to Louis’ dismay, he’d just rather be alone right now stressing over an article than to explain the dilemma he always finds himself in.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, Zen.” He continues to take off the rest of his kit, dumping it on his chair and flopping face down on his bed, groaning.

 

The bed dips, Zayn sighs and carts a hand through his hair, “I know when something is wrong with you. Is it…is it about Harry?”

 

Louis peers over at Zayn, moving his hair from his eyes. “I…yeah, It is yeah.” He sits up and scoots over so their thighs touch. “A few weeks ago, back at the bar when we were all leaving, he sort of kissed me, but it wasn’t on the lips it was on the cheek and it’s got my head all out of sorts.”

 

Zayn hums before asking, “Well, do you like Harry?”

 

Louis nods and scratches at his beard. “Yeah, he’s like becoming a really best mate of mine-“

 

Zayn slams his hand down on his shoulder cutting him off. He shakes his head and looks Louis in the eyes shaking him slightly. “No, Lou.” He says, “Do you like him.”

 

Louis immediately starts stuttering out small little no’s, going back to what he said previously before stopping himself when Zayn gives him a look. He sighs, might as well admit it. “Yeah, but it’s not like…it’s not like love or anything like that.”

 

“Never said it was. But if you do like him, then there is no doubt he likes you too.” Zayn says with sincerity.

 

Louis would like to believe him, he’d really like to believe that Harry liked him the way Louis did. But the only thing he has to go by is a drunk kiss on the cheek which he knows was probably an accident judging by the way Harry immediately texting him the next morning that he was sorry for anything weird he did last night. Louis texted back a haha and no harm is done what so ever. And Harry texted back, Niall told me something different :/ to which Louis immediately denied anything happened and threw his phone across the room.

 

Louis groaned, wiping at his eyes and putting his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “What the fuck am I gonna do Z?”

 

“Just tell him,” Zayn says smacking his face lightly.

 

He pushes Zayn away lightly, “I can’t just tell him, what if he’s like _‘uhhh, I only want to be friends soz’_ and then I look like a fucking idiot-“

 

“Lou…” he tries, but Louis cuts him off.

 

“-and it’s not even that big of a deal, it’s just some schoolyard crush. Nothing too serious, I should get over in a few days.” He tries to convince himself because it’s not that serious. He just hasn’t gotten laid in a while and now his brain and his dick are making him all wonking.

 

Zayn get’s up from the bed making Louis fall over. He hears him sigh and opens the door, Louis peers over just as he turns back around. “Look,” he says, a scowl on his face, “I’m advising you to tell him, but since you never listen to my advice and think you have it under control, I’ll let you do whatever. Just know that I'm fucking here for you, dumbass.”

 

-

 

Louis has promptly decided to skip work, calling in sick and dragging Zayn down his rabbit hole of lies with him.

 

It takes some convincing and some major arse licking and promises of paying him back before Zayn reluctantly calls off as well.

 

It’s a spur of the moment type thing, but Louis is so tired and exhausted from having to run around trailing pricks all day asking them if they’ve even fact-checked basic information, and there’s only so much you can do before they start ignoring you and you have had to do it yourself. Which in return helps no one if they can’t even learn to do something as basic as making sure they’ve got credible sources.

 

So yeah, Louis is exhausted and needs a break before his job sends him over the edge.

 

He decides to just make a day of watching films, filling themselves up on frozen pizza and chips, and sleeping it off with big bellies filled with junk that’s probably going to kill them in a long run if they don’t eat a carrot soon.

 

It starts getting boring after a while when Zayn doesn’t wake up for the next film and instead pushes Louis off his own bed in favor of hogging all the blankets.

 

So Louis puts on some jogging pants and a hoodie, stealing a pair of Zayn’s shoes and leaving the flat for a bit, hoping no one from work catches him out. He takes Cliff out as well, knowing a little time outside will do him good.

 

Walking around seems like more than a task for what it’s worth, but he pushes through it. Now that January’s past the winds have been getting more brutal in an effort to keep winter around. He windows shop a little and watch some puppies scamper around for a while, cooing at them and take a picture to show to Zayn later. Cliff whines when he sees them, licking the glass and wagging his tail.

 

They walk away soon after, deciding to go to the park so he can play and run around for a bit while Louis plays on his phone. He sits down on a dusty old park bench that creeks when he moves an inch and lets Cliff run wild.

 

Zayn sends him a few texts that read:

 

_Fuck did you go??_

 

_Nvm, I'm loving the peace and quiet >:/_

 

Louis sends him the middle finger emoji and fucks around on Instagram for a while until someone sits down next to him. He turns towards the stranger and…of course. It’s Harry smiling down at his slouched form. Scarf wrapped around his neck and ears a dull red color from the cold.

 

“Hello,” he says, cheery and slow. “Fancy seeing you here.”

 

Louis nods and looks back to where Cliff has gone, playing around with a stick. “Yeah, fancy seeing you here. Do you frequent parks all the time or…”

 

Harry snorts, “No, I saw you walk in, wanted to say hello before I head to the shop and pick up some things for dinner.”

 

“Oh really?”

 

He nods, “Yeah. You and your dog are welcomed to join me?”

 

If Louis wasn’t sane he’d jump on the chance to go home with Harry as soon as the words came tumbling out of his mouth, but he thinks back to how he's supposed to be getting over Harry and this little crush he has, so he shakes his head.

 

“Sorry, love. I’ve uhh got a bunch of shit to do at home. Only came out to take Cliff there on a walk. Let him play and run for a while.” It’s so tempting to just say fuck it and go anyway, and Louis contemplates it for a second before Harry gets a phone call, and suddenly he’s leaving with a nod and a wave and a promise to text him later.

 

He lets out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding in, calling Clifford over and walking home just as quickly as he left. Zayn’s waiting for him when he comes back, a smirk on his perfect little face and a pizza hanging from his mouth.

 

Louis narrows his eyes, “What have you done?”

 

Zayn looks away and laughs. “What makes you think I’ve done something? I’m just sad that my peace and quiet is gone.” He’s got a certain look on his face that he’s had since they were teens getting into trouble and running away from anything that posed a problem before running towards it head first. He knows Zayn, knows him more than he knows himself sometimes, and the smirk that’s perched on his face lets him know that he’s been up to no good.

 

“Just tell me please, I ran into Harold today and I don’t feel like dealing with whatever is going on with you,” Louis says, unleashing Clifford and filling his water bowl. “Do I have to kill you know or later?”

 

Zayn shrugs, “I haven’t done shit, Lou. What a minute,” He holds a hand over his chest, faking like he’s hurt. “Do you not believe me? Your best friend in the whole world?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “You’re about to be demoted quickly if you don’t tell me what the fuck you did while I was gone.”

 

Zayn sticks by what he’s saying and tries to change the subject, much to Louis’ disappointment he lets him get away with it. “So you ran into Harry today? How did you even manage that?”

 

Louis glowers, “How the hell am I suppose to know? He said he saw me and wanted to come over and say hi. But hi’s are never just hi’s!”

 

“What the hell are you talking about? He just wanted to say hi…why do you think he has an alternative motive?”

 

“Because!” Louis shouts, “I’m going crazy and I have no idea what I’m even talking about.” There’s a small pause that settles between the two of them. Zayn looks like he’s trying to rack his brain on what to say while Louis has no idea what he’s even saying. Tries not to think about how soft Harry looked today in a peacoat and black shirt on. His eyes were droopy liked he’d just woken up. His hair looses around his face, framing it in just the right way.

 

Zayn snaps him back to reality. “Remember when I told umm I don’t…yesterday, that you should come to me and about shit?” Louis nods, still not saying anything. “Than tell me what’s going on with you right now?”

 

If he were, to be honest than he’d have to say all he keeps thinking about is laying in bed with Harry and cuddling him, not letting him get up even when the sun is high in the sky and signaling that it’s time for them to start their day.

 

But he can’t tell Zayn that because he doesn’t feel like getting to the fact that his crush might just be more than a crush (he makes that notion leave his brain just as it enters, still sticking with the ‘just a crush’ even though it’s holding on by a thread), and he’d just rather go pig out on his bed for the rest of the day and watch shitty movies.

 

So he doesn’t tell Zayn shit, and Zayn gets annoyed at him for it but leaves him alone in favor of bothering Clifford, and even though he really should take his offer, he instead takes the rest of the pizza slice and eats it in his room, finishing the rest of the Titanic.

-

 

So Louis doesn’t end up getting over his crush for Harry and it actually gets worse with the more time they spent together and text each other.

 

The constant going back and forth over texts and in person, hanging out alone watching random films and cuddling on the couch, Harry practically in his lap, batting his eyes at him in an effort to get Louis to make more popcorn, it’s all making Louis’ feelings stronger. Going out for coffee, spending lunch breaks with each other if they have time, having conversations about random deep shit and finding out they have a lot in common.

 

Louis is a goner.

 

It all comes crashing down on a gloomy Tuesday in March. It was pouring all morning, and Louis usually takes the tube to work with Zayn to save on petrol money so they got soaked making the start to his day already awful. And as soon as he sat down he got called to his boss's office with Cordon or Cody and got yelled at for a misprint in an important article which wasn’t his fault, and he told his boss and Cameron or whoever got yelled at, which made his day a little better even if he was walking around in wet shoes.

 

On their lunch break, they sat in the break room eating sandwiches and talking about random things, that’s when Harry had texted him. Early that week they both made plans to hang out at Louis’ place later on today while Zayn was at Liam’s flat helping him put together a desk. They were just going to pop in a film and eat popcorn and sweets until they nodded off to sleep. Just a chill night.

 

Louis unlocked his phone to look at Harry’s text, and immediately dropped it onto the floor when he saw what it read.

 

Hey, sorry I have to raincheck tonight! Going on my first date in forever :P wish me luck H xx

 

His throat closed up, and suddenly the sandwich in his hand became unappetizing. Louis sighed and threw his head back, closing his eyes. In reality, if he were a better friend, he would be ecstatic for Harry, pressing him for details and teasing him about getting some. But no. Louis is upset and his day has just gotten a lot worse than it already was. He already had the film picked out, and the sweets sitting on the coffee table. Everything was ready, and now everything is ruined. What makes it worse is that they aren’t even dating, so Louis shouldn’t even be feeling this way, Harry hasn’t given any indication that what he and Louis were doing was going to the next level or whatever. It was just a friendship that Louis knew, he knew wasn’t going past that. But it still hurt like a bitch anyway.

 

He’s too busy mopping around the rest of the day that doesn’t realize that Zayn has come into his room and has been calling his name until a hand is being waved in front of his face.

 

“Yeah?” He whispers as his eyes going in and out of focus staring at the rain falling down in sheets outside.

 

Zayn lays down beside him, wrapping his arm around his middle and pulling him flush again his chest. “You okay? You’ve been quiet since work.”

 

Louis sighed, “Yeah, I’m just being a knob about the Harry situation.”

 

They were know calling Louis’ crush on Harry, and his inability to tell Harry how he felt the ‘Harry situation’. It’s a genius name that Liam thought of and Louis pushed him off the couch every time he referred to it as such.

 

“What happens? Did you tell him and he blew you off?” He asks, playing with his fringe.

 

Louis shook his head the best he could with it glued to the bed. “Nah, you know are plans today right?” Zayn hummed. “Well, he had to cancel. I’m not mad at that, I’m not even angry or anything I’m just…He had to cancel because he’s going out on a date.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“Yeah, shit.”

 

Zayn rubs circles into his hips making his shudder from the feeling. “Well, it’s just a date. Doesn’t mean he’s going to stay in a relationship with the guy or whoever.”

 

“I know I know. But still, what if this is it? What if this person is the one for him and they get married and have kids and…what if I missed my chance?” It hurt Louis to think about it, even if his feelings for Harry was just a crush sort of feeling. It still sucks to feel like this.

 

“Look, all I’m going to say is that I’m pretty sure this person isn’t the one. Just wait it out and see what happens. Plus you said that this is just a little crush, and we all know that it can be hard to get over crushes, but it happens. And don’t get too caught up, if it gets to be too much then take a step back and focus on yourself. Just…if you need someone to talk to instead of being a mopey idiot than you have me, dickhead.” Zayn kissed the side of his head before standing up with a groan muttering, “I’m such an old man. Giving good advise and having back problems.”

 

Before Louis let him leave he said quietly, “How do you always give good advice and manage to call me a name and make me feel better at the same time?”

 

Zayn chuckled and shook his head. “It’s because I care about you and I love you.”

 

“Love you too, Z.”

 

And he was right, this was just a schoolyard crush that he would be over in a few days tops. Just a silly little crush.

 

-

 

There are many subtle ways to tell that Harry is absolutely gone for someone. It’s the way he pays close attention to them when they’re speaking, rarely adding in his own comments, and looking like they hung the stars just for him. The way he hangs off of them, sitting on their lap and pressing a huge kiss on their cheek followed by a, “Hello, babe.” Sometimes it’s the way he laughs, it’s loud and obnoxious, and you ask yourself how in the hell did he even make that sound, but he laughs like it’s the funniest thing he has ever heard, even if what you said wasn’t remotely funny. Harry even gets dolled up for them, throws on a sexy outfit and maybe paints his nails a nice color that matches what he’s wearing. And last but not least it’s the way he talks about them, it’s so obvious that Harry is gone off that person by the fact that he can’t stop talking about meeting up with them later, or something he wants to buy them, or a funny thing they said over text.

 

It’s the subtle thing’s Louis notices and it’s driving him absolutely mad.

 

The worst part is that this bloke, Fred or whatever, is actually a nice kid who's got a good head on his shoulders and he treats Harry like he deserves to be treated. And Louis couldn’t be any more happy for them, it’s just that he hasn’t been showing it in the best way.

 

When Harry first introduced them at a small get together Louis completely ignored him trying to go in for a handshake and just waved like an idiot. Even when Louis found out they had practically nothing in common except that they both knew Harry, it didn’t stop Harry from wanting them to get along. And Louis is trying really hard to do it, he tries to strike up a conversation with him, tried to smile and nod along to what he was saying, even responded back to a question he asked but it all leads to is awkward stares and quietness all around.

 

The both of them were hanging out alone for once, Fred nowhere to be found, he apparently is working late night so he couldn’t come, according to Harry. They were cuddled up on the couch spilling popcorn and watch a film that Harry had insisted on them watching. After the film was over they got to talking, and it’s as if they had gone back to their regular dynamic. Harry says something, Louis teases him for it, Harry gets all blushy and defensive, Louis teases him for that as well rinse and repeat.

 

Everything is going great, perfect even, Harry has his head on Louis’ lap and Louis is playing with his curls. It’s intimate in a way that they haven’t been before, and it shakes Louis to his core on how much of a couple they probably looked like. Cuddled together under a blanket with something random on the telly that neither of them is paying attention to.

 

“Lou?” Harry whispers after yawning.

 

Louis drags his fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp and making him shudder. “Yeah, H?”

 

“How do you um…how do you feel about Fred?” He says it so quietly that Louis wouldn’t have heard him say it had the telly volume been up a few more notches.

 

“I uh…I think he’s a solid person, doesn’t seem caught up in any trouble. He’s quite well spoken I must say and he-“

 

Harry sits up suddenly, curls all askew and mouth plumped from the way he’s been bitting his lips throughout the film. It makes Louis’ heart pound faster just looking at him. “No, I mean like…” He waves his hand in the air and sits back beside Louis, pulling the blanket up and staring directly into his eyes. “Like…what do you think about Fred and me? You are one of my best mates and all.” Harry grabs Louis’ hand, tracing little shapes and lines making him shiver.

 

“I um,” He looks at Harry for a moment, and he can see that whatever comes out of his mouth will have a lasting effect on him. Mouth ajar, eyes shining, staring directly into his soul waiting for something to come out of his mouth. It’s daunting and reassuring at the same time. So Louis has to swallow his pride, get over the fact that he feels like he’s about to break his own heart into a million pieces because this is Harry. And Harry comes first, and he deserves to be happy. “I think that the both of you are good. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and you at him. So yeah, I think you two are good together.”

 

Harry furrows his eyebrows staring back at him, “You sure?”

 

Louis swallows around the lump in his throat and smiles despite it all. Heart pounding he lets go. “I’m sure.”

 

Harry nods and lays his head back on Louis’ lap, and soon Louis’ hand is back playing with his curls.

 

He closes his eyes before taking a deep breath.

 

-

 

After three long boring years working at the DailyLondon, Louis has finally decided to quit. He puts in his notice and clears out his desk all in one day. When him and Zayn go out for drinks that night Zayn tells him how proud he is of him (Louis may or may not have teared up a little, but if you ask him he’ll blame it on the fact that he was absolutely wasted) and they promptly do shots and dance until 3 in the morning.

 

And after a week of being unemployed, Louis still has no idea what he should be doing. Right now his daily routine is to sleep until it’s noon, take Clifford out, and maybe make dinner for Zayn and Liam when he feels up to it. Through in a couple of wanks and a scary film or two and you have Louis’ entire day. He consults Zayn almost immediately after he gets home. “Zayn,” Louis drawls out, draping himself over Zayn’s slouched form on the couch. “I’m proper bored, and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

 

Zayn sighs and pushed him off, “Then get a fucking job.”

 

Louis pinches him and sits down, “I just got out of a job, and now I have no idea what I’m doing. Give me advice?”

 

Zayn glares at him, “Listen to me clearly. Get a fucking job. Rent is coming up soon and I’m not covering for your ass.”

 

With the little ounce of bravery he was, he tries to call Harry but his call doesn’t go through. Louis spends the next week looking for a job and ends up working in a veterinarians office. It’s small and cozy and they don’t get a ton of patients, but when the occasional cat or dog comes in, even a turtle once, it can be fun. The biggest plus side other than working with animals is that he gets paid more than his job working as an intern in a shitty online newspaper. Although wearing blue ugly scrubs all day isn’t the best, it’s better than being yelled at by his boss over grammar all day.

 

And when Louis tells Zayn and Liam about his new job, they go out for dinner to celebrate.

 

It takes him some time to get over his whole Harry situation. He does as Zayn instructs and takes a step back to try and clear his head and make sure he’s in a good headspace. He tries to ignore the hurt in Harry’s eyes when he sees him on the street or the one time he crashed his trolly into his at the shop.

 

It’s after a few moments of awkward hugs and quiet _‘I miss you…where have you been…’_ that Louis realizes that he hasn’t spoken or seen Harry in some time. He doesn’t try and kick himself in the arse for it, because this is the only way he can get over Harry. But it still hurts looking at him and Fred together.

 

“Wow, um…so how’s work?” Harry breathes out, letting go of Fred’s hand to wrap his scarf around his neck.

 

Louis shrugs, “I quit a few weeks ago…”

 

Harry looks at him in shock, “That’s…that’s great, Lou. So where do you, I mean…that’s really great.”

 

Louis scratched the back of his head and sighed, “Yeah yeah, now I work at a veterinarian. It’s not as well know, but it’s still fun none the less.”

 

“I’m really happy for you Louis,” It’s Fred who says it, and it has Louis trying to swallow around the lump in his throat.

 

He tries to make up an excuse so he can leave before his day gets even shitter when Harry says, “I was maybe wondering, and you can say no of course, but maybe me, you, Fred and the rest of the boys could hang out sometime. Maybe go to the pub, have a few drinks and then maybe a movie night or summat.”

 

“I uh, I’ll have to run it by Zayn and Liam but I don’t know. Umm…I’ll get back to you to let you know. It was nice talking to you.” He smiles and waves before turning on his heels, forgetting the groceries and deciding to get Chinese takeaway.

 

After fucking about all day in the flat, trying to forget even more about Harry, Zayn comes home to him eating cereal from a bowl with no milk on the floor in only his pants.

 

Naturally, Zayn makes a fuss about it. “Mate, if I have to see you in you’re pants again on the floor eating random things again I’m going to kick you out for the day.” He says dropping his bag on the counter.

 

Louis watches as he walks towards his room and says, “This is how I cope with stressful and uncomfy situations, Zayn. You can’t take this from me.”

 

Zayn comes back out in joggers and a Batman shirt that Louis is at least one hundred percent sure is Liam’s. “First off,” he says while pouring cereal in a bowl, “What’s making you uncomfortable and stressful? And secondly, why can’t you be a hermit in your room where I don’t have to see or smell you.”

 

Louis sighs, “Saw Harry today and kinda freaked out.”

 

Zayn gives him a sympathetic look, “Damn, was you-know-who there?” Louis nods. “Well…I thought you were doing better? You even said you replied to one of his texts.”

 

Louis shrugs, “I was but then just seeing him I just…it’s stupid that I’m feeling this way-“

 

“S’not stupid Louis, you’re allowed to feel like shit seeing that someone you really like is with someone else.”

 

“Yeah but I keep telling myself it’s a stupid crush, and that I’ll but over it soon but then this happens and all the feelings that I had thought I was overcome flooding back.” It’s a vicious cycle that he prays will end soon.

 

Zayn takes a spoon full of his cereal before pointing the spoon at him. “Wha about da texts.” He says around a mouth full of Lucky Charms.

 

“All I texted was, _‘sorry can’t’_ with a frowny face.”

 

Zayn groans, “Well what did he send? You’re shit at giving details you know that?”

 

Louis gives him the middle finger before picking his phone up from the floor to read the text word for world. He tries not to look at the other texts Harry has sent that Louis hadn’t replied to. “He sent…uh… _’wanna have lunch or dinner together? It’s on me’_ with a smiley face.”

 

Zayn nods, “And you said no.”

 

“I said no.”

 

“And what did he send?”

 

Louis sighs and scrolls up a down, “He sent… _’i’m really missing you’_ blah blah blah _‘wish we could hang out more’_ with three dots at the end and a frowny face.”

 

Zayn glares at him and sets down his spoon, crossing his arms. “And when was all this?”

 

“Last week, and I haven’t replied since. Thank god I don’t have read receipts on.”

 

“Louis, are you going to be okay? Because…I mean…are you giving up on you and Harry’s friendship?”

 

Louis shrugs and leans back on his hands. “I mean I don’t want to give up on our friendship just because I’m being an idiot. Today he asked if we could all go to the pub together and I said I don’t know and practically ran home. Didn’t even get the meat for the burgers I was going to make tonight.”

 

“Well do you wanna go?”

 

Louis groans again, “I don’t know…kinda. But at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m ready just yet to see him and Fred act all couple-y and shit.”

 

“Well I think it would be nice, but I won't go if it means that you won’t be able to handle it.”

 

Louis frowns, it’s not fair that they can’t all hang out together when it’s obvious that they all miss each other. Louis tries to think it over, can he really handle seeing them together? Seeing Harry hanging off Fred’s arm and them kissing and acting like love sicks puppies? He sighs and nods, “I’ll text him and tell him when we can schedule it.”

 

Zayn pulls a face and sets his bowl down in the sink before sitting back down. “You sure?”

 

Louis shrugs, “Yeah, why not. S’not healthy just to stay cooped up in here and I miss him. And I miss hanging out with all of you in one room.”

 

“Let’s hope you don’t regret saying that.”

 

-

 

Louis very quickly ends up regretting it.

 

As soon as he walked in the door to Harry’s flat with Zayn and Liam in tow he was greeted by a big warm hug from Harry. Louis, of course, melted into the hug, face in Harry’s neck breathing in and out slowly causing him to shiver slightly, and they didn’t let go until Fred cleared his throat behind them, shuffling back awkwardly slight smiles on both of their faces.

 

They all decide not to go out to a pub and to have dinner and hang out at Harry’s. It goes smoothly for a few minutes, they’re all laughing and having a good time waiting for the food to arrive so they can put the film in. Sitting around the coffee table, sharing stories and updating each other on their lives and Louis is having a genuinely good time. He’s smiling and feeling brighter than he has for the past few weeks, and it’s like he and Harry never stopped talking.

 

It all comes crashing down fifteen minutes into the film.

 

They decided to put in the film because it was taking a while for the food to get here. Louis’ sitting right next to Harry and they’re going back and forth telling jokes while the opening credits roll until Niall tells them to shut up. Apparently, it’s some scary movie that had come out a few months back. Harry whispers in his ear, “I fucking hate scary movies, gonna be proper scared going to sleep tonight.”

 

Louis smiles at him and takes his hand from where it is under the blankets. “Don’t worry love I won’t let the big bad monsters get you.”

 

Harry rolls his eyes and faces toward the screen.

 

That’s when Zayn decides to also whisper in his ear. “What happen to taking a step back, Lou?”

 

Louis sighs quietly and whispers back, “I’m not strong enough, Z.”

 

He turns his attention back to the screen just as a stupid jump scare that has Niall cursing and Harry jumping practically in his lap.

 

Louis laughs, “You’re all a bunch of babies. It wasn’t even scary.”

 

“Says you,” Harry says, and that’s when Louis notices Fred pulling Harry to his side by his waist and placing a kiss on his lips. Louis lets go of his hand and roll his eyes, trying to discreetly shuffle closer to Zayn.

 

He makes a mental note to tell Zayn how much of a bad idea this was later when there’s a knock on the door. Harry shoots up to answer to and comes back with his hands full of bags. Fred pauses the film and goes over to help. They each grab their respective box and start to dig in, the film still paused.

 

Louis’ eating his food when Niall tries to reach over and steal a shrimp. “Oi, fuck off Niall. Eat what you have.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes and leans back, “It’s just one shrimp, Tommo.”

 

Harry snorts beside him and Louis turns toward him to see a smile on his face.

 

“What’s got you all smiley and snorting?” He asks.

 

Harry shrugs, “Don’t think I’ve ever heard someone call you Tommo is all. It’s a funny nickname.”

 

“Whatever, Harold.”

 

“ _Heyyy_ ,” Harry says, “M’name is not Harold, and that can’t be my nickname.”

 

Louis pinches Harry’s side just to see him squirm away, laughing when Harry starts tickling him. It’s soon after that that Fred starts to command Harry’s attention again, flirting shamelessly and effectively ruining Louis’ mood. Zayn pulls him closer and they start talking.

 

“You alright? Need to take a smoke break?” He asks meaning well.

 

Louis shakes his head and grimaces. “Nah, I’ll be alright.”

 

After eating they all go back to their original spots and continue watching the film. The scarier it gets the more Harry is practically in his lap and the more Harry’s practically in his lap, the more Louis can see Fred trying to pull Harry back into his side and the more Fred tries to pull Harry back to him the more annoyed Louis gets. It’s a constant back and forth and it’s making the headache simmering behind his skull throb even more. At the end of the movie, there is a big jump scare that even has Louis jumping and Harry hides his face in Louis’ neck, tickling him with how hard he’s breathing. He stays there until the end of the film. It’s awkward when Fred turns on the lights and the rest of the boys are having a conversation about how shit the movie is and how it wasn’t scary, and Harry’s just laying his head on his shoulder, curls tickling his ear and his hand sitting heavy in Louis’. It’s nice, and Louis basks in it for all of two seconds before Fred, of course, chimes in like the prick he is.

 

“Uh, Harry can I talk to you for a second?” Fred says and with a sigh, Harry gets up and they disappear somewhere in the flat.

 

Louis tries not to think about what could be happening behind the closed door and turns towards Zayn whose looking at him sympathetically. “You okay?” He mouths.

 

Louis tries to smile but he knows it isn’t genuine from the sad look on Zayn’s face. “Yeah,” he whispers, “don’t think this was a good idea, but I am having a good time.”

 

Soon Fred and Harry come back out, and Harry sits down on the floor with a huff and puts in the next film before turning around and asking them, “Anybody wants something to drink? I have beer, wine, water?” There’s a tone to his voice that lets Louis know he’s not alright, his face is red and every time he looks at Fred he glares at him and rolls his eyes.

 

The rest of the night goes without a hitch, but the atmosphere has changed. Harry and Fred have switched places, and every time Louis spares a glance towards him he can see Harry slapping or moving Fred’s hand when he tries to touch him. And halfway through the film when he looks back over he gets caught by Harry, he looks away embarrassed and looks back to see Harry is smirking at the screen. Louis doesn’t look over for the rest of the film.

 

When they’re all getting ready to go home, and cabs are being called, Louis decides to help Harry clean up for whatever reason. He should be with Zayn going back to their’s but he doesn’t feel right leaving a mess. So he and Harry work silently while Fred and the other boys are talking by the door. Soon they’re all alone in the kitchen, and Louis’ doing dishes while Harry puts things away, emptying beer cans and sweeping the floor. They say nothing the entire time until Harry drops a beer bottle on the floor and it shatters everywhere.

 

“Fuck me,” Harry says, bending down to pick up the shards of glass. Louis grabs a bag and starts to help. “‘M so clumsy.” He says, staring right in Louis’ eyes like he’s searching for something.

 

Louis just nods and continues to pick up shards, muttering, “Clumsy clumsy Harry. What are we going to do with you.” Once everything is picked up, they don’t make a move to stand up, continuing to crouch. Louis doesn’t notice the way Harry is looking at him, he’s to busy trying to keep his breathing under control with how close their faces are. His heart starts beating faster as their faces get closer, he preemptively licks his lips the same time Harry does, and the lump in his throat that’s been there since Fred and Harry kissed early tonight is all but gone, a constant reminder of what stands between them.

 

Just before their lips meet, they hear something crash behind them that pulls them apart and looking away. It’s Liam holding two takeaway boxes and a red cup. He picks them up and throws them away quickly, waving goodbye to them both with a look thrown at Louis. Louis gets up quickly and tells Harry bye, running out of the kitchen and grabbing his jacket only just catching Zayn as he makes his way into the cab.

 

The car ride home he tries to get his breathing under control, thanking God that it was Liam and not Fred that had caught them. He’s feeling so many things at once that he feels like he’s going to be sick. Once they make it home he takes off his kit and flops down on his bed, ignoring Zayn’s questions and Liam’s knowing looks. Louis’ almost asleep when his phone dings. It’s a message from Harry, and immediately Louis’ heart leaps out of his chest when he sees what it says.

 

_Missing you already. Sorry about how weird tonight was, wish we could have talked more, H xx_

 

Louis types back:

 

_Missing you too…let's hang out sometime?_

 

Because he’s obviously a masochist and if tonight wasn’t enough of a wake-up call that he needs to get his shit together about Harry than maybe hanging out and falling deeper in love with him will. And yeah, Louis knows that it’s just not a little crush anymore. It was never a crush in the first place. The way he can’t stop thinking about Harry, his soft curls and how cute he is when Louis makes him laugh. The way he curls in on himself to make himself smaller, fitting right into Louis’ side snuggly and warm because he runs hot. It’s the way he says things, or when he tells Louis something that’s obviously important to him, how he lights up when talking about cats or his family. Louis wants that all the time, wants the late night conversations, the teasing Harry every time something weird comes out of his mouth, the curling up in Louis’ lap and taking his hand and squeezing it a couple of times before turning his attention back to the telly, loves the way his heart speeds up when he’s got Harry’s attention all to himself.

 

It was never really a crush, no matter how much he thought it was at first, it was always something more.

 

So Louis decides that he doesn’t want to give that up, even if Harry is with someone else, he’ll take whatever Harry will give him. And if that makes him an idiot then so be it. Love does crazy things to you.

 

-

 

Working at a Vets office gets a lot more emotionally complicated than Louis expected it to be initially. His boss ends up inviting him to help groom a puppy that has matted fur and is overall not in good condition. They work for hours trying to get all of the fur off the dog and Louis leaves with a few tears in his eyes and a heavy heart. He knows that the dog's owners haven’t abused the dog, because Buttercup (the dog's name) doesn’t shy away from them or try to bite them. Whoever her owners are just hasn’t taken the proper measures to make sure her nails and clipped and her fur doesn’t mat up. It angers Louis, but at the same time, he just gets the job done and tries not to think of her sad face as they wrap a blanket around her once the fur is all gone.

 

A few weeks later a cat comes in. Louis doesn’t get to meet the owner to go over what’s wrong (which is one of the big things he's supposed to do) because he showed up late after his alarm failed to go off. He burst through the back doors and let out a string of apologies to his boss but she waves him off and calls him over.

 

“Please just don’t be late again.” She says petting the cat.

 

Louis puts on his lab coat and sighs, trying to catch his breath. “M’sorry, it won’t happen again ma’am.”

 

She turns her attention back to the cat and picks up her chart. “This is Marci, the owner came in and said she when she eats her food she ends up throwing it back up, her belly is slightly swollen, and of course her nipples are enlarged and red.”

 

Louis nods, “So she is pregnant?” His boss, Katherine, takes the wand and moves it gently over Marci’s belly, and sure enough, Louis can see the outline of at least three kittens. He smiles, instantly filled with joy and scratches Marci’s head. “How did the owner not know? She’s showing all the signs.”

 

Katherine chuckles, “Well he rushed out in such a hurry as soon as he got here because his car was in a tow away zone, but before he left he said that he looked up the symptoms and thought she had worms and was instantly frighten.”

 

Louis snorts, “Probably looked it up on WebMD or something stupid.”

 

Katherine picked up Marci gently putting her in Louis’ arms and taking the chart, nudging Louis out the door. “Let’s go tell him the good news.”

 

They walked out into the lobby where a sweaty Harry immediately stands up and rushes towards them. He looks so distressed it pulls at Louis’ heart to see him in such a state

 

“Is she okay? Does she have worms?” He says picking up Marci very gently.

 

“Mr. Styles,” Katherine says, “Please calm down. She’s perfectly healthy and she doesn’t have worms-“

 

“Then what about her nipples and the throwing…oh.” He trails off for a second before looking back at them with wide eyes. “Is she pregnant?”

 

Louis nods and smiles, “Yeah, Mr. Styles. She’s preggers.”

 

“Right now we are expecting a small litter of about three kittens,” Katherine says, showing Harry the ultrasound pictures.

 

“So is there anything I have to do? How will I know she’s ready to give birth?”

 

Midway through explaining how it works to Harry, Katherine's phone goes off and they’re left together. Of fucking course, Louis thinks. His headache that was just barely there, pulsing under the surface, is now making itself more known.

 

“Uhh…” Harry says, Marci still in his arms purring quietly from where he’s scratching her head.

 

“You’ll know when she’s ready when she won’t eat, she’ll be a little agitated, and she’ll try to seclude herself. Umm…just make sure she has a safe place to give birth, and if the discharge is heavy and black, or blood-colored, then contact us right away okay?”

 

Harry nods, shifting his arms so Marci’s laying more on her side. “Thank you so much.” He mumbles, smiling at him. Can’t believe I’m slowly becoming a cat lady.”

 

“Can’t be a cat lady with a boyfriend,” Louis says, and instantly regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.

 

Harry’s demeanor changes immediately, looking anywhere and everywhere but him, jaw clenched and mouth turned into a frown. “Yeah, guess so.”

 

It’s awkward silence until Katherine comes back and sends Harry off with some more ultrasound pictures and some pamphlets on cat pregnancies. He leaves with a nod and a wave for the both of them, Louis doesn’t react and goes back into the examination room. Taking deep breathes Louis sends a quick text to Zayn on what just happened, trying not to freak out, even more, when Harry sends him a text with some question marks. Louis quickly closes his phone and shoves it in his pocket when another one from him comes in.

 

He spends the rest of his time working and taking phone calls from clueless owners and ignoring the dinging in his pocket that dies down during his lunch break. He’s about to head out for the day, signing out as soon as Jack, the intern, comes in for his shift. Waving goodbye to Katherine he ends up taking the bus home and tries to ignore the headache that gets worse with every bump and turn.

 

Once home he sighs in relief when he realizes Zayn’s not there yet. It takes him a lot of willpower to take off his clothes, but once he does he showers before crashing. Dreaming of pale green eyes staring back at him as if they were peering into his soul, dead but lively all at once. Holding galaxies and stars with every twinkle. Soft pink lips that ghost over his cheeks and collarbones, chestnut curly hair that tickles his stomach. It smells of strawberries and flowers, dimples that deepen with every smile and laugh. A flutter of eyelashes and the grip of strong soft slender fingers on his waist. He feels breathless all at once, the most calm he’s felt in so long it shocks him to his core when they’re suddenly plunged underwater and the grip that held him up is slowly fading away. Down he goes, so far deep that he can’t see the sunlight piercing through the water.

 

Louis wakes up moments later and groans. He thought he would stop having dreams about Harry weeks ago, and he did, but after seeing him today all he could think of is _HarryHarryHarry_. A never-ending cycle that’s driving Louis mad as each passing thought of him plagues his mind.

 

He grumbles, picking up his phone from off the floor. He’s got three texts from Harry, one from Zayn, and a missed call from his mum.

 

He hovers over Harry’s name before going back through his contact list and clicking the call button to call his mum back. It rings for a while before a loud voice comes on the speaker.

 

“Who is this?” It’s Daisy that’s answered, and Louis instantly smiles when he hears her voice.

 

“It’s me, Louis.”

 

He hears cursing before some more yelling. “Mummy, Louis’ on the phone!”

 

“Louis, my love. Finally decided to call your dear old mother huh?”

 

Louis scratches at his beard feeling guilty. “Sorry, mum. Just been busy is all.” He says, telling her about his new job, how he loves it way more than his old one, spends a few minutes ranting about it before leaving it where it lies, in the past. He talks about all the animals that come in, she talks about what’s happening back home, some important things that Louis wasn’t there for. When he tries to apologies she shoots him down saying, “No need love. Nothing to work yourself up about.”

 

“I know but I still wish I was there to see it all. Love you, mum.”

 

She laughs quietly, “I love you too, baby.” It’s silent for a second before she says, “I’ve been talking a lot to Zayn lately…”

 

Louis sighs and immediately starts thinking of a plan on killing Zayn later. “What has he been saying to you? What do you two even talk about?”

 

“We talk about you, Louis. He uhh…tells me that you weren’t doing so good in the love department.”

 

Louis sits up immediately, “Mum,” he whines, “whatever he’s said isn’t true.”

 

She sighs, “If you don’t want to tell me what’s going on you don’t have to. Just know that I have experience in that department and if you ever need advice from your very smart mother than you can always come to me. You're my baby, and I don’t like hearing that you’re heartbroken.”

 

“M’not heartbroken, mum. Just…okay maybe I am a little heartbroken but I’ll be okay.” He starts playing around with the loose thread on his blanket, praying to who or whatever is up there that they leave this topic very soon. Can’t wait for it to become a distant memory that he won’t remember come tomorrow.

 

“Well, we all miss you here. You coming home this year, Lou?”

 

“Yeah mum,” Louis says, wincing at the tone of her voice. “I’ll be there I promise.”

 

The rest of the conversation with his mum goes smoothly, he tells her how he hates the scrubs he has to wear, talks to the girls about anything new that’s happening with them. The suns setting when they hang up, and Louis’ cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling so much.

 

It takes a while for him to get up, head swimming with so many thoughts about Harry, his family, his job. All swimming around and slowly surrounding him until it’s all he can focus on.

 

Zayn comes in an hour later with pizza and two beers, sitting the box down by Louis’ head and reaches in to grab a slice, still not saying anything.

 

Louis starts to get annoyed when Zayn picks up his third slice. “What are you doing?”

 

He shrugs, “Eating dinner.”

 

Louis sits up and grabs a slice, licking up the oil and sauce that falls down his hand. Zayn grimaces and Louis flips him off. “Not my fault that you got the oiliest pizza in the fucking world.”

 

“Pizza Hut wasn’t open so I got the next best thing. We use to eat this all the time when we were sixteen and didn’t care about getting a heart disease.”

 

Louis shrugs and grabs another slice. He remembers when he first met Zayn, they went to the same secondary school together and both got in trouble on their first day for fooling around in the canteen line. After that they had been inseparable, always causing trouble together when they could.

 

“So Harry came to your job today with his pregnant cat,” Zayn says nonchalantly, closing the pizza box and shoving it to the ground. He scoots up so he’s leaning against the wall where a headboard should be.

 

“Yeah, thought his cat had worms or something. The thing is, I don’t even care that he came in, I just feel like a dickhead because I acted like I didn’t know him.” Louis plays the days events over in his head, cursing himself for acting like an idiot. “And then when I was texting you he sent me a text with a bunch of question marks.”

 

Zayn nods, “Did you reply back?”

 

Louis shook his head fast, “Of course not. I freaked a bit and turned off my phone. Then when I got home I saw your text, and then I saw that I had three texts from him.”

 

“You should stop ignoring him, or he’s going to start thinking he did something wrong.”

 

Louis glares at Zayn, “What the hell am I suppose to say, ‘It hurts to be around you because you’re with someone else and I’m madly in love with you’?”

 

Zayn grabs Louis’ face, staring straight into his eyes. “Talk to him. This has gone on long enough, I’m tired of coming home to the house smelling like despair and cum.”

 

“That was one time!”

 

“If I hadn’t kicked you out then the house would still smell like cum and despair. Look,” He glowers, “I told you to stay away for a while, and obviously you couldn’t do that. So the next best thing to do is talk to him and tell him what’s going on.”

 

“Zayn,” Louis whines, “It’s not that simple.”

 

“Yes it is, and if you don’t do it then I’ll tell him to come over and corner you until you talk to him.” Zayn gets up and leaves.

 

He knows that he should just come clean about everything, but it’s hard to confess that he’s in love with Harry, when he’s in love with someone else. Louis opens up his text thread with Harry seeing his latest texts. He frowns.

 

_????_

 

_What happened today???_

 

_Did I do something?_

 

_Please talk to me…_

 

Louis groans, this is exactly what Zayn said would happen. Harry would think he’s at fault and now Louis feels like shit.

 

He texts back:

 

_cn we talk soon?_

 

_Yeah, when?_

 

_this thursday, I don’t have work. I can come over to yours or you can come to mine?_

 

_Mine x_

 

Louis sets his phone down and sighs, trying to go over what he’s going to say.

 

-

 

When Thursday comes Louis is a bundle full of nerves.

 

All week he’s been planning on what he’s going to say to Harry, and preparing himself on how Harry’s going to respond. He decides to just come out and tell him about his feelings, doesn’t think he has it in him to just sit there and lie for however long he’ll be there. The thing is, is that he knows this isn’t going to end will, that it’ll either end with Harry kicking him out or Louis running away in embarrassment when Harry tells him that he will never feel the same. And it’s the last bit that makes him the most afraid, that makes him just want to cancel this whole thing and wallow in sadness until Zayn kicks him out because the flat is starting to stink of misery and jizz.

 

When he tells Zayn how nerves he is, Zayn gives him small tasks to do around the flat to distract him, cleaning up the bathroom, doing the dishes, finally cleaning up the mess he calls his room, and it works for a little while, they smoke a joint to take the edge off and muck around, and Louis almost forgets what he has to do today until it’s time for him to head out and he has to rush to the bathroom because he feels like he’s going to puke at any given moment.

 

The bus ride over helps Louis shake off the last bit of nerves his heart is clinging to. Texting Harry that he’s outside, takes a lot more power than he thought it would, but soon he’s buzzed up and knocking on the door. His leg starts to shake, and he hops from foot-to-foot hoping that whatever is about to happen once the door close won’t end in them never speaking to each other again. Just the thought has Louis tearing up a bit, but it all goes away when Harry opens the door. His hair is almost touching his shoulders, and he’s wearing a sweater that matches Louis’. He looks cozy and wonderful and all of that doubt goes away when Harry wraps his arms around his waist. Louis stumbles a bit, resting his head on Harry’s broad shoulders.

 

It feels like he’s just been hugged by a loved one. Feels like he’s just come home.

 

“Missed you so much, Lou,” Harry whispers in his ear.

 

“Miss you too, love.” He murmurs back, arms tightening and head clear of whatever it was he was thinking about last.

 

They pull back and Harry ushers him in. He spots Marci laying on her side in a big pile of socks and a fuzzy blanket. He waves at her and turns towards Harry. “How is she doing?”

 

Harry looks frazzled for a second, and that’s when Louis notices how disheveled Harry looks. His eyes look red from crying, nose the same shade as the blush that’s spread from the bottom of his cheeks all the way to his cheekbones.

 

Louis tries to swallow around the lump that forms in his throat.

 

“Yeah uhh, Marci she’s fine. She’s nesting right now, got her a really fluffy blanket to help but she keeps taking my socks. Had to draw the line when she tried to make my boxers apart of her nest.”

 

Louis laughs, but it isn’t genuine. “Yeah, they do that.”

 

It’s silent for some time until Harry tells him to make himself at home and goes to get him a cup of water. Louis takes his shoes off and hangs up his coat, sitting down on the couch and trying to calm himself down with each deep breath he takes, discretely counting backward from ten. The rapid beating in his heart doesn’t stop, but he calms it to a dull roar that simmers like a fire going out.

 

He peers around the flat, smiling when he sees a picture of a younger Harry with his arms around a woman, clearly his mother. There’s another picture of Harry with Niall, arms wrapped around each other with Big Ben behind them. His flat feels a lot homier than Louis’, from the little knickknacks that litter the place, the weird color scheme, and a crudely painted portrait of Marci laying on a white couch hanging above the telly. It makes him feel like he belongs here, right now sitting on this couch in Harry’s flat with a pregnant cat wandering around and the smell of baked goods in the over. Home.

 

“Painted that when I first got her,” Harry says startling him. He sets down the glass of water and sits down on the couch opposite of Louis. “I was about ten or so, and I got her for Christmas when she was just a little kitten. It’s shit honestly.”

 

“S’not, it’s very…very nice. Artistic,” Louis takes the glass and takes a sip, not wanting to be impolite.

 

Harry chuckles and shakes his head, “It’s shit but…it reminds me of home.”

 

Louis nods knowing how it feels to hold on to something that reminds you of home, he still has his stuff animal from when he was first born. It’s way back in his closet, and he only brings the thing out when he really needs it. Like now.

 

They don’t speak for a while, looking any and everywhere that isn’t each other. The painting, a chair opposite Harry, the telly, Marci roaming around, a picture of Harry when he was a baby with a little girl holding him. Louis tries to work up the nerve to say something, anything, to just let the words ‘I’m in love with you’ come out but every time he opens his mouth nothing comes out. He clamps it shut after the fifth time, taking a deep breath when Harry says quietly.

 

“Fred and I broke up last week.”

 

Louis looks up and sees that Harry’s staring at him, eyes filled with tears. He’s instantly up pulling Harry into his chest and rubbing his back.Such a drastic change of events that his plans fly immediately out the window. “It’s okay, love. It’ll be okay.” He whispers.

 

Harry pulls back after a second, and Louis’ heart shatters when he sees the state Harry’s in. Tear tracks streaking down his face, eyes puffy from the way he keeps rubbing at them, bottom lip quivering. The anger and sadness Louis feels at that moment is more than he has ever felt in his twenty-three years of living. More than he felt at his job, more than the time he got busted and had to have the police escort him home, more than when he was grounded for three months after sneaking out on a school night. It’s more than all of those things because, in the long run, they didn’t matter, all of that was a small bump in the road, this is a crater-sized hole filled with rainwater that never seems to empty.

 

“Harry…” He mumbles, rubbing his back.

 

“It sucks because it’s…I didn’t love him as much as he loved me. I just…I always knew that he wasn’t the one ya know? But I pushed and I thought someday that I could love him.” He says between hiccups and short intakes of breath. Louis pulls him close again as another sob ripples through him, pulling at Louis’ heart as he shakes more and more.

 

“Shh, …it’s okay love. Don’t cry over him,”

 

Harry pulls back quickly and wipes the tears away looking at Louis fiercely. “M’not even crying because I miss him or anything, I just…that was my first serious relationship and it ended horribly. And you know what really sucks? When I left his flat I thought to myself, ‘thank god that’s over’. And then I started to cry because of how shitty I felt after that.” Harry shakes his head and looks down, grabbing Louis’ hands. “And all I wanted to do was call you but…but we hadn’t been talking and then I felt really shitty because I thought I did something to make you mad at me.”

 

Louis shakes his head, “No no — I was never mad at you at all, I promise.”

 

Harry grabbed a tissue from the box and blew his nose, shaking his head and smiling slightly. “This night is such a fucking mess.”

 

“Yeah,” Louis whispers, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He knows what he has to say next, tries to gear himself up on how he wants to say it. He just hopes his confession doesn’t destroy what they already have.

 

Harry looks down and fiddles with his fingers, eyes puffy and searching for something Louis doesn’t know how to give.

 

He hesitates for a moment before saying, “Can we just…eat cereal and watching a movie?”

 

Louis should have known this would happen, that as soon as Harry told him about the breakup all previous conversations that have yet to be had would cease to exist. He tries not to let his smile faultier as the disappointment sets in. He tries so hard to keep a smile on his face as he nods, tries not to let the tears brimming in his eyes release when Harry brings them a bowl of Coco Pops, tries to relax when they’ve finished eating and the film gets put on, Harry laying his head on Louis’ shoulders.

 

He’s tense throughout the whole movie, doesn’t bat an eyelash during the part where Rose is about to throw herself off the ship, but Jack comes and saves her. Harry gasps, shaking slightly before breathing out a sigh of relief when Jack gets her down.

 

Louis doesn’t move an inch.

 

It’s when the ship starts going down, and Rose pleads for Jack to never let go that Louis looks over and finds Harry staring at him, eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips. On instinct, Louis licks his.

 

He knows this is a bad idea, that they will both regret it after it happens. But Louis can’t keep holding on, can’t keep staying afloat when Harry’s looking at him like that like he never wants to let him go.

 

I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.

 

Louis lets go.

 

As Jack slips away they both lean in and kiss.

 

And he’s drowning. Getting lost in the moment, getting lost in the softness of Harry’s lips and the sweetness of his taste. It’s an experience he never thought he would have. Harry’s hands are squishing his cheeks, and Louis’ is on his waist, and soon he’s in Harry’s lap straddling him. Feeling something solid and heavy pressing against his arse he rocks back. Things escalate from that point on, his shirt is off, and soon Harry’s is as well. And a split second later he’s laying on his back, the soft leather of the couch sticks to his skin in a way that would be uncomfortable to others but it grounds Louis.Keeps him sane in a way he never thought a couch would. It’s snapshots. Shirt *click* right shoe *click* black sweater *click* left shoe, and so on until he has nothing left to shed but his pants.

 

He starts thinking, and he knows when that happens it’s not a good thing.

 

He tries to get Harry to stop because this isn’t right. This isn’t what Louis wanted, he wanted to confess his feelings and maybe dash out the door when things eventually went south. But this…whatever it is shouldn’t be happening.

 

So instead of letting Harry get his pants off he turns his body away and stands up shaking his head. “Harry we…I-”

 

“Oh my god. I’m, Louis I…I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

There are tears brimming in his eyes and Louis instantly feels like shit, heart dropping into his stomach.

 

“Harry it’s…it’s okay.” It’s not okay, and he knew that going in to kiss him but Louis needed to say something because Harry’s slipping away right in front of him. Slipping through his fingers like fine sand. He can see the glassy look in his eyes, tears fall down his reddening cheeks.

 

“Please go,” He whispers in a voice so low it startles him.

 

“Haz,” He tries but Harry keeps telling him to leave, shame written on his face.

 

So Louis puts on his shoes not bothering to tie the laces as Harry’s cries grow louder. He barely has time to put on his jacket before he’s leaving out the door. Harry walks up and shuts it, but before the door closes Louis gets a little rush of adrenaline and says what he came to say all those hours ago.

 

“I’m in love with you.” He says, heart, beating louder and louder against his eardrums. Harry opens the door slowly.

 

“What?” Louis flinches from how harsh he sounds.

 

That’s when tears start streaking down his face. “I’ve been in love with you this whole time, just thought you should know.”

 

And feeling dejected and angry at himself he leaves before Harry can say anything else.

 

 

-

 

 

Weeks past and he hasn’t heard anything from Harry.

 

It stuns him after the second week and he still hadn’t heard anything. No calls, no texts, nothing. Louis tried a few times, sent him a few texts letting him know how sorry he was for letting what happened that night happened. And he is deep down, sorry for what down and the way he told him. When he saw that Harry had read it he thought they were making progress, but nothing came up from it.

 

He stops trying when he receives a text from Niall telling him to leave Harry alone.

 

He cries and cries until Zayn comes in and calms him down.

 

But it gets easier as time goes on, the numbness that takes over makes it easier to just try and forget. Going out for drinks and getting drunk helped more in the beginning but after a while nights start to bleed together and constantly waking up with a headache and his head in a toilet isn’t a great way to start your day.

 

So he throws himself in his work, starts to visit home more often when he can, ignores the questions thrown at him every day on how he’s doing. Tries to pick himself back up again when he sees Harry on a date walking home one night.

 

So he continues to try and keep himself afloat, even when the boat is rocking from violent waves, and he’s been thrown overboard into freezing waters. When it gets to be too much and the sounds of the violent storm above quiet his scream he continues to kick his feet and fight until he feels like he’s not drowning anymore.

 

It gets easier as time goes on, but trying not to drown is the hardest thing he’s ever had to fight to do.

 

-

 

The summer brings hot nights and even hotter days.

 

Louis’ taken to wearing tank tops on days he doesn’t work and convinces his boss to let him wear a short sleeve lab coat.

 

Zayn’s quit his job and starts working part-time at an up-and-coming pub that they now frequent. Louis knows that they start going there just so they don’t have a chance of running into Harry. He doesn’t know how to feel about it yet, his friends changing things around just to make Louis more comfortable. He tries not to think about it too much.

 

It’s a Saturday night and Zayn has convinced him to go out to some club downtown. Liam comes over, they pregame, and then they head out. It’s packed and loud and the thumping of the beat syncs with the beat of Louis’ heart.

 

He downs a few shots before Zayn and Liam are pulling him towards the crowd of people jumping around while the DJ hypes up the crowd. It’s fun, he’s having so much fucking fun that it should be a crime. Jumping around with his arms around Liam’s neck fist pumping the air and screaming out lyrics until his voice is hoarse and almost pissing his pants from how much he’s been holding it.

 

“I’ll be back in a second. Gotta piss,” He yells into Liam’s ear before turning away and heading towards the toilets.

 

Once he’s pissing he washes his hands and tries not to stare at the two blokes feeling each other up in the corner.

 

Turning to leave he runs into somebody, rushing out a quick sorry making his way back to Zayn and Liam when —“Hey, Lou.”

 

He pauses and hopes that the voice that just said something to him wasn’t who he thinks, knows it is, hopes and prays that his mind is playing tricks on him. Turning around slowly and coming face to face with a dazed Harry.

 

Louis can smell the stench weed from where he’s standing, and from the way Harry’s eyes are red-rimmed and droopy he can tell he’s had a few hits.

 

Instead of standing there like an idiot any longer Louis turns and leaves, shrugging Harry’s hand off his shoulder when he reaches out for him. Weaving through the crowd he frantically searches for Zayn’s familiar face, needing something to ground him, to tether himself to something quick or he’ll explode. He can already feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He swallows the lump in his throat and runs over to Zayn when he finally sees him, crashing into his back and trying to control his breathing.

 

“Fuck he saw him.” Is the first thing Liam says, breaking the silence between them.

 

Louis glares at them. “You fucking knew he was there this whole time?” He takes another deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration trying to calm himself down.

 

“Fuck no, Lou. We saw him after you went to take a piss. He must have seen you and followed you.” Zayn says handing him a cigarette before popping one in his mouth. “Let’s just get the fuck out of here.”

 

So they leave, the fresh air cooling Louis off in a way he didn’t know he needed until he stepped outside. Pockets of people are outside waiting to get inside and smoking. He lights his cigarette with shaky hands, rushing off down the street where the boys are.

 

“Louis!” He hears Harry yell behind him. He speeds up and ignores him. “Louis, please. We need to talk.”

 

Louis whips around, glaring at Harry. “What?! What the fuck do you have to say.” He’s dreading his answer, but he’s done waiting for Harry to come around.

 

He falters for a second, obviously too high to finish what he started.

 

Louis rolls his eyes and gets in the car, ignoring Liam’s questions and closing his eyes. He sighs and takes a drag.

 

-

 

“Louis, can you please pass me the jar of tomato sauce? Thanks love.”

 

Louis passes it to his mother with ease, lips curling into a smile when a sleepy Fizzy entered the room. He’s been home for two days and he’s already feeling better. Usually, he hates running away from his problems, but he uses the fact that his sisters are on summer hols and the fact that he’s racked up at least a week of vacation days. It’s a bittersweet feeling being home. Pissed that it’s taken trying to get away from someone to do it, but he doesn’t complain…much. It’s not that Donny’s never felt like home to him, but when he was younger he always thought that being here stifled something in him. That he just had to get away while he still could or he’d be stuck here all his life. London never felt like home when he first moved there with Zayn, it always felt like he was in a transition period in his life, like as long as he held out long enough more would be coming.

 

It wasn’t until Harry showed up that the city started to feel like home. And he hates it.

 

He blows out a long breath and sits back in the chair, the smell of garlic and tomato sauce heavy in the air. It settles his heart a bit.

 

“Louis,” Fizzy says sitting next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. She’s a bit sick, nose red and eyes droopy. “I can’t find the cold medicine.”

 

He carts a hand through her hair. “Last I saw it was in Lots room, she started sneezing and thought you got her sick.”

 

Fizzy moans and gets up, shuffling upstairs to go bug, Lottie.

 

His mum turns around and smiles at him. “I know I’ve been saying this a lot but I’m happy to have you home.”

 

Louis smiles, he’s happy to be home as well, and he says it and means it. “I won’t stay away too long anymore.”

 

She points the wooden spoon covered sauce at him. Her eyes are serious, but she has a playful smile on her face that lets Louis know everything alright. “If you won’t I’ll just have to come to London and bring you back home myself. Don’t be a stranger, Lou.”

 

He nods, agreeing, “I won’t mum.”

 

Dinner is the same as it always is in the Tomlinson-Deakin household. The baby twins are sat in highchairs next to Dan and his mum, making a mess out of their dinner. The girls are enthralled in making up summer holiday plans, and Dan is humoring them.

 

It’s loud and there are a million conversations going on at once and it’s home. And it’s taken Louis two days to feel like he’s finally home, that he’s not an intruder here.

 

“You okay, love?” His mum asks, feeding Doris a tiny string of pasta. She snatches it away from her, smushing it in her grubby hands and puts in in her own mouth.

 

Louis smiles, “Yeah I’m alright. Just — feeling very happy and at home.”

 

Later on, when dinner is done and everything’s been cleared and clean, he sits down with his mum on the couch with Ernest in her arms. She’s rocking him back and forth, quieting his soft cries. He takes a sip of his tea and tries to clear his thoughts.

 

Once his crying has stopped and he’s fast asleep, his mum lays him down in his cot. Before turning her attention to Louis she takes a sip of her tea.

 

“Got something on your mind?” She asks, and Louis knew this was coming.

 

He shrugs, “Just…thinking.”

 

“Oh no,” she jokes, “This can’t be good.”

 

“Hey, s’not funny. My thoughts and ideas are always intelligent and amazing.” He sticks his tongue out for good measure.

 

She nods, the corners of her mouth turned up. “Yeah? Like when you decided to skip school and walk around town like word wouldn’t get back to me of what you were doing. Or maybe the time you tried to pack your things up and leave when you were four because I didn’t give you chocolate for dinner?”

 

“Whatever mum. And I didn’t run away because of your no chocolate before dinner rule. I wanted to run away because you said I was being too naughty for dessert. And at the time it was like the end of the world. It sill is! How could you? What if you’d given me desert and I ended up solving world hunger or becoming a billionaire?”

 

They laugh and laugh and talk and talk until Ernest starts to shuffle around, and they quiet down before he starts crying again. It’s nice talking to his mum like this again, back in London when all they had was a phone to communicate their conversations were often short and brief before the girls take the phone away and talked his ears off.

 

Their conversation now, though, is starting to go stale, and his mother is looking at him expectedly. He decides that it’s time to let it out, time to be courageous and push his pride aside. To let someone help and stop being so cynical all the time.

 

He blurts, “I think I’m in love with this bloke named Harry, and I told him like…a a few months ago before summer had started. We uhh —kissed before that, before he kicked me out. And initially, I went over to tell him how I was feeling.” It hurts saying it, he has to swallow around the lump at his throat that always feels permeant. Always reminding him how close he was to burst into tears. He’s always been one for the dramatics, and even more a crier. It used to be something he was ashamed of, but being in the comfort of his childhood home, with his mother. It calms him and fills him with so much it hurts sometimes.

 

“Well,” she takes his hand into hers and squeezes it. “Well, what did he say?”

 

He looks down. “I…I never gave him a chance to say anything. He uhh…he was crying when he kicked me out. Told me that he’d broken up with his boyfriend, the boyfriend that stopped me from doing anything with him early on, and he was a proper mess. I consoled him, we ate cereal because he wanted to, watched a movie because he wanted to, and I kissed him…but I wanted to do that. Never been so sure of something in my life.”

 

“What happened after?”

 

He looks up and thinks about that night. “He freaked out and said he wanted to be alone. I got out as fast as I could and was putting on my coat outside his door when he came over and shut it. Before it was shut all the way I told him I was in love with him.”

 

She nods and squeezes his hand again. “I’m sorry, love.”

 

He shakes his head and wipes the tear that falls. As much as he wasn’t ashamed about being emotional all the time, it still sucked. “Don’t even know why m’crying.”

 

“Because you’re hurting. There is nothing wrong with that, with hurting over a lost love. I’ve done it plenty of times before.”

 

He nods taking it all in not knowing what to say next. He lets the tears fall and lets his mum pull him into her side, wrapping his arms around her middle. He didn’t want to spend this week pinning and crying over Harry, he wanted to have fun with his family and chat with his mum over tea, rolling his eyes at her petty gossip and do something with his sisters. But life is never that easy, and the past will always hurt no matter how hard you try and forget about it. It will always come sneak up on you.

 

Louis pulls back. “I just…the last time I saw him I practically told him to fuck off. We were at this club and I saw him as I was coming from the toilets. I ran away from him and we left. He followed me outside and said he wanted to talk but I was just so angry and a little tipsy and I wasn’t thinking.” She nods taking it all in. He doesn’t know what to do, how to move forward with his life without at least sitting down with Harry and talking to him about what the fuck is going on. So he asks him, mum.

 

She sighs and sits forward looking at Ernest’s cot. He’s stirring in his sleep a little, arms twitching and little huffs falling from his lips. It takes her a while but she says, “I think you need to call him and tell him everything. You shouldn’t have told him you loved him at that point. Emotions were high for the both of you and it should have been said at a point where you're both okay. Now, when you get home you don’t have to do it, but at a certain point, you have to love. Stop trying to keep everything in and all bottled up. It helps no one when they can’t figure out anything from your very handsome and expressive face.” She pauses for a second before saying, “And you know, I’m always here when you need to talk.”

 

“I know,”

 

She shakes her head, “Sometimes I think you don’t. We aren’t strangers Louis. It shouldn’t have to feel like pulling teeth just to get through on the phone with you.”

 

“Mum-“ he tries but she cuts him off with a look.

 

“I get that you’re busy and that you have a life outside of us. But that doesn’t excuse you from sending a text or just picking up the phone and saying ‘Mum I’m really busy right now’.” She sighs again, “I don’t mean to be pushy, but you are my first baby and I have a right to want to hear your voice from time to time.”

 

Louis nods looking away from her stern face and piercing eyes. He knows she's right, that he should be calling more, visiting more and overall checking in when he can. And he promises that he will, promises to visit more, and when his mum mentions him bring Harry along if things work out between them he promises to bring him around as well.

 

They don’t talk about Harry or London or Louis not calling for the rest of the night.

 

Promptly as him, mum heads upstairs with Ernest resting in her arms Lottie comes down and sits next to him.

 

Her hair is now a fiery red color, apparently, she dyed it just last week to their mother's chagrin (apparently Lottie and her got into a spat over it when she’d left the house with brown hair and came back with red). Lottie narrows her eyes at him, stare piercing and uncomfortable. “What’s going on with you? Haven’t had a proper chat in a while ya know.” Her tone serious and snarky.

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “Just been working is all.” He takes a deep breath before saying, “And getting my heart broken.” When the words leave his mouth he winces, hating the way heartbroken sounds on his tongue.

 

When Louis finally looks up at her, her stare has lessened to one that’s a little more sympathetic, corners of her lips still tightly in a line but a little more downwards into a frown. He looks away again when she starts talking. “Who broke it?”

 

He shrugs, “Just some bloke.”

 

Lottie groans and rolls her eyes. “Obviously it’s not _‘just some bloke’_. This bloke has a name and I want to know it.”

 

“It’s Harry,”

 

Lottie nods, “So how did this Harry bloke break your heart? Do I need to come down there and beat him up?”

 

Louis laughs shaking his head no. “Nah I’m good. Promise. And…he didn’t really break it because…he never knew about my feelings until like…a month or two ago. And I’ve known him since the beginning of the year.”

 

“So your just being an arse?”

 

Louis frowns not liking how this is going. Why is Lottie taking Harry’s side all of a sudden? “Woah woah…how am I being an arse again?”

 

“Because you fucked up you guys relationship before it even happened. Did you run away when you told him your feelings?” Louis nods feeling slightly embarrassed and ashamed. “Well, why didn’t you stay?”

 

Out of all the pining Louis’ been doing, and the whining and the crying since that day he’s always asked himself what if questions. What if he and Harry hadn’t kissed? What if they'd never broken up? What if Louis told Harry soon being a recurring question in his thoughts. Never had he thought about staying after his confession, and what would have happened if he did.

 

What if what if what if…too bad the past is in the past and Louis wasn’t thinking with a clear head that night. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind, but the one that stayed with him, even until now, was how heartbroken he is.

 

Lottie rolls her eyes at him again when he hasn’t said anything. “Did you even find out about how Harry was feeling while you were having your own pity party.”

 

And…that’s a low blow, and she knows it by the way she’s looking at him. But she’s right, even if it hurts. All this time he hasn’t even been thinking about how Harry felt, always thought that he was okay until that night and the night at the club. Has Louis really been that selfish?

 

“I…I’ve been such a knob this whole time.” He rubs at his temple, curating a text to send to Harry tomorrow on when to meet up when he gets home. He has to sort this out because they can’t keep going on like this. And if it means they never talk to each other again and Harry fucks out of his life then so be it. But Louis has to admit that all of this time he hasn’t even taken what Harry wants and how Harry feels into consideration. To busy whining to Zayn and Liam about his problems to even think straight.

 

Lottie snorts and nods. “I’m just glad I was the one to tell you.”

 

“Lot-“

 

She holds up her hand, the spitting image of their mother. It would make Louis smile a bit if it weren’t for how Lottie’s looking at him. “Call more and visit. That’s all I ask. The girls miss you, the babies miss you, we all miss you. And stop being a dickhead, pull your head out of your arse and talk to your boy.” She gets up after pulling him into a tight hug, complaining about the smell of cigarettes on his shirt and heads upstairs.

 

-

 

The rest of the visit goes without a hitch. On the last, they have a small little going away picnic and the girls and him decide to camp in the backyard. It’s the most fun he’s had in a while, they roast s’mores over the stove and eat them outside, pretending they did it over. fire.

 

It’s bittersweet when he leaves, there’s not a dry out as he waves goodbye to them. A car skidding down the road towards home. Every time he thinks about the girls or his mum his heart feels heavier, tears well up in his eyes and he smiles, genuine and nostalgic.

 

They decide to meet on Friday.

 

And the Monday Louis is back his boss lets him have another day off to recuperate, making him promise that he won’t be late for his next shift and that he’ll be on top of all the work he’s missed. He rolls his eyes and laughs with her over the phone after work talk is over, telling her about some of the things he and his siblings got up to in Donny.

 

Liam’s the first to question him when he gets home, cuddling him in bed and asking all about his family and friends back home. He indulges him, answering questions and regaling him with stories from when he was younger.

 

“When I was about…thirteen or maybe fourteen I was an absolute shit head. I was going through a proper rebellious faze and I’d sneak out just to meet some girl that I thought I was interested in at the time. Go and corrupt Zayn and we would sneak a bottle of some shitty beer go down to the skate park and ride around with the stoners. Mum found out and quickly put a stop to it. But umm…” He pauses and smiles when he thinks of him, “I think the first time I knew I wasn’t straight was at this party. Zayn and I were trying to get wasted and high just because. And this boy came up to us and started chatting with me. Laughing at what I was saying and taking drags out of my poorly crafted obviously-made-by-a-sixteen-year-old joint. Zayn left after a while, winked at me and disappeared into the crowd.”

 

Liam nods and smiles, “So he was the same back then huh.”

 

Louis snorts, “Yeah, s’like him now. Anyways we stayed outside me and this kid and he just leans up real close and kisses me. I’m sitting there frozen, but when he pulls away and kisses me again I just go for it. Let myself go and kiss him back. At the time to me, it was like the end of the world. But looking back on it I was just a little scared of what that might mean, but letting myself go was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

 

The rest of the week goes by in a flurry. He catches up on all of his work, argues with Zayn over getting an air conditioner, and has a small little party for his boss on her birthday. He doesn’t think about his little thing with Harry until it’s Friday and he’s running thirty minutes late to get back home.

 

Harry had already sent him two texts already:

 

_Hey, I’m outside. H x_

 

And,

 

_??? Are you home? H x_

 

And when he finally gets there, climbing the steps by twos he finds Harry sitting outside of his door. He stands up quickly when Louis comes up, unlocking the door and letting them both inside. He’s sweating so much and the back of his neck feels so sticky and he’s really uncomfortable with this whole things and realizes suddenly he should have pushed it back a week or two. But it’s too late, Harry’s walking around his flat looking at his things and smiling. Louis finally lets himself relax.

 

After everything is situated and they each have a cuppa they sit down on the couch, waiting for the other to say something.

 

Naturally, Louis goes first at the same time Harry tries. “No, you go first,” Harry says putting down his mug. “I uhh…yeah you can just go.”

 

“So…” In all honesty, he has no idea where to start, “I’m sorry for being a bit of a dickhead. I really haven’t been taken how you feel into consideration. And that’s pretty shitty of me. An-“

 

“Do you really…I mean are you really in love with me?” The way Harry says it has Louis’ heart stuttering and him stumbling over his words. He clamps his mouth shut, closing his eyes and nodding.

 

“I…yeah I am.”

 

Harry nods and looks away, playing with the red handkerchief around his neck. “How long?”

 

“Since…I mean, I’ve had a crush on you since before you got with Fred. But…I’m thinking maybe all this time, this crush that I prided myself would go away at the drop of a hat, kept getting worse and worse the more I saw you and texted you, and the more we talk the more in love I fell. But, I think before Fred.” He tries to stop his rambling, he does it when he’s nervous and anxious. Harry doesn’t seem fazed by it, only nodding along to what he’s saying. When Louis looks into his eyes he seems far away, there is a glassy look to them. He doesn’t know what that means, and he doesn’t try to understand it either.

 

What he’s really waiting for is the rejection. The grimace that will be on Harry’s face when he tells him he doesn’t feel the same. The _‘I’m sorry but’_ or the _’I really wish I did but’_. The need for him to say, to spit it out with no remorse, so that this, this cat and mouse game, this game of chase that no one is winning, whatever this has been for the past few months, can be done and over with. The want burns bright, and the hurt that follows after is almost bursting at the seams. He waits with batted breath when Harry opens his mouth.

 

“I…I don’t know what to say. Why…when I asked you if I should go with Fred you said yes, to go for it. Why would you do that?”

 

Louis sighed and sat back. “Because you really liked the bloke and who am I to stop you. I didn’t know if you felt the same back then, and I just didn’t want to stop you when there was no chance you liked me back.”

 

Harry looks at him fiercely, green eyes piercing into his. “Who said I didn’t feel the same?” He spits. “How did you know that I didn’t want you to say no, to tell me that you wanted me. You didn’t know what I wanted.”

 

Louis narrows his eyes, huffing, and puffing. His heart beats faster and faster with every word Harry spills out of his mouth. “Well, what the fuck do you want? I…I can’t be a fucking mind reader Harry!”

 

“I wanted you!” He shouts, voice high and shrill with passion, and Louis thinks this is the first time he’s seen Harry so animated before. “I still want you. When I was with Fred I wanted you, after he dumped me I wanted you, in my flat when we kissed I wanted you! Right now,” He stops and pauses, tears brimming in his eyes, “Right now I want you!”

 

“Than what the fuck are we doing?”

 

Harry shrugs and smiles, “I don’t know. I didn’t want to start a shouting match but I had to get through that thick skull of yours that I really fucking like you.”

 

Louis doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything back. His mood quickly changes when he realizes that Harry actually likes him back, actually wants him. A smile slowly makes his way onto his face, and it’s the first smile that feels genuine in a long time. He can feel his eyes crinkle and his cheeks hurt from just how much he’s smiling. Harry gives him a funny look.

 

“What?” He asks, scooting closer.

 

Louis shakes his head, “You like me back huh?” Harry nods, looks away and blushes. And Louis misses this the most, always making Harry blushy and smiley. “You want me as well huh?” He nods again, tucking a stray curl back behind his ear. “I’d like you to say it.”

 

Harry gives him a look. “Say what wanker?”

 

“Say you want me.”

 

“You love embarrassing me don’t you?”

 

Louis nods, “It’s my favorite thing in the world. Love how red you get.”

 

Harry looks away again and huffs, “Louis Tomlinson…I want you. In all ways possible I fucking want you. Happy?”

 

He pretends to think it over just to rile up Harry further, they end up wrestling a little until Louis’ head is on Harry’s lap and Harry is playing with his hair, making him shudder every time he scratches his scalp. It’s hot, and he’s sweating enough for the both of them. But he has his boy here, telling him he wants him in all ways possible.

 

“Think I want you to shout it out.” Louis hums.

 

“Oh fuck…I want Louis whatever-his-middle-name-is Tomlinson!” Harry squawks out, laughing and pinching Louis.

 

They talk for a while, deciding to hold off on telling anyone for a little. Wanting it to just be them for a while. Their own little relationship that doesn’t have many people butting in when they don’t want.

 

Once that’s settle, and they share a few kisses that feel like a long time coming and lasts a lifetime they cuddle up on the couch. Louis’ head on Harry’s chest listening to his heartbeat as he listens to Harry ramble on about his new job at this radio station. Apparently, he’s got a new job working with Nick on BBC radio. Louis tells him that they’re going to get in so much shit that it’s not even funny. Harry smirks and tells him he knows, and that he can’t wait to reek havoc with Nick. Louis just laughs and laughs.

 

When Zayn asks if it’s alright if he just stays at Liam's the rest of the night he sends him a few text thanking him and promising to pay him back.

 

They order Chinese takeaway, Cliff joins them on the couch and effectively has Harry eating out of his paws, cooing at him and talking in his baby voice, eyes shining and smile always present. They share half a bottle of wine that Louis was sure he finished some odd months ago.

 

And they quickly fall back into their old selves again, bantering and making fun of each other, telling embarrassing stories and shitty jokes that make the other laugh in a way they’ve never had before. It’s nice and amazing and it’s all Louis has ever wanted, the last few months become a distant memory as he has Harry sitting in his lap trying to feed him a dumpling, sauce dripping onto the carpet and Harry staring back at him with kind eyes.

 

Louis has his boy sitting in his lap, trying to get him to try some vegetable noddles and a half-finished dumpling that he spit out a moment ago, a little tipsy on wine, cheeks flushed with a stupid shit eating grin on his face, dimples popped and hair in a nest on his head. And it’s all Louis has ever wanted.

 

-

 

There is this cute bloke making his way outside, the bar is packed, the room erupts in laughter as small pockets of different groups filled with interesting people shuffle around each other.

 

He has a cigarette behind his ear, and he’s staring at Louis like he wants to start something he knows he’s not going to finish.

 

So Louis follows him outside, loves the way the street lamp catches the glow of his face. He stands next to him, taking out a bud that he stole from Nick a moment ago and lights his.

 

“Spare a light, babe?” He asks, and Louis happily obliges with a grin on his face.

 

“You know,” He says before taking a drag, holding it in for a bit before exhaling. “Your the prettiest thing in there.”

 

Harry throws back his head and laughs, loud and obnoxious and only for Louis. “Oh really? Is that why you followed me out here? Trying to chat me up so I can go home with you.”

 

Louis shrugs and looks at him. Really takes him in, studying the plains of his face and making a mental memory to tell about later. When they’re old and gross and only have their memories to keep them company…or next week when they get drunk with Nick on a night out and tell dumb stories that they know they’ll regret telling in the morning.

 

“You’re already talking about going home with me? Slow down love, haven’t even properly chatted you up yet.” He says it to make Harry laugh again, and he does.

 

Harry looks at him skeptically, trying to hold back from laughing. “And what if I wanted to do the chatting and buttering you up this time hmm?”

 

Louis leans in and kisses him, slowly and steady, earning a few whistles from some onlookers he hadn’t noticed where there before, too busy with his boy to even care. Harry wraps an arm around his waist, nice and steady, and it grounds him like it always does. Keeps him from floating away.

 

He leans back a second later, head tucked in between Harry’s shoulder blade, breathing in and out softly just to tickle the hairs behind his ears. It works and Harry shudders quietly.

 

Louis leans back satisfied. “You're already gone for me, love. No need to chat you up then?”

 

Harry rolls his eyes and takes a drag of his dying cigarette before throwing the bud down and snuffing it out under his worn brown boot. “You calling me easy, Tomlinson?”

 

Louis shakes his head and smiles. “I’m saying you're in love. It’s written all over your face, and no doubt mines as well.”

 

Harry ducks his head down and smiles. “You’re right,”

 

Louis takes his hand and they walk back to the bar, shoulder to shoulder pressing up against each other. “Aren’t I always right?”

 

Harry snorts and laughs. “I can’t wait to tell Nick what you just said.”

 

Louis nods along and they continue to chat all the way back to the table, stupidly in love and gone for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep up with me: Tumblr -aiienharry  
> [link to the edit I made!](http://aiienharry.tumblr.com/post/179589306021/been-waiting-on-you-all-my-night-by-aiienharry-so)


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